DC Dude: Part 1

There I was trying to take an honest break from Match.com.  My profile had been hidden for a good week and a half - I'd had enough.  I just wanted to focus on the holidays and spend some quality time with my friends and family.  

I had no time to date, I had plans for the next six weekends in a row!

Six weekends!

In a row!

Who's got time to date?

But, then, in a weak moment, a weak and bored moment, I made my profile visible on Match.com.  And, as usual, I got flooded with emails. 

Only one guy stood out more than the rest:  Great profile - well written (which always scores HUGE points with me), a contagious smile and beautiful blue eyes.

We exchange emails for a day then we quickly graduated to phone calls.

He had a nice manly voice and a strong confident attitude. Things were looking good.  Just one problem: He lived in Washington, DC.

What am I doing???!!!  Washington, DC is definitely geographically undesirable!

But the chemistry was palpable and we just couldn't get enough of each other. We spent hours talking on the phone. Any chance we got, before work, during work or after work; we called each other.  We both felt the chemistry. No bullshit, no games - just straight talk.  

I was hot for DC Dude!

Just after a week on talking on the phone we made plans to meet in person, which meant that I was going to have to cancel one of my weekend plans. Unfortunately, I had to cancel the chick's annual Christmas Party at the Hen House. I felt really bad about not going, but I had to find out if this chemistry between DC Dude and I was real or not, or was it just something that existed just on the phone?

For the next week every morning DC Dude would text me: "Good morning!!! Only six more wake-ups!" sometimes at 5:30AM!  I was so excited that I practically skipped into my office every morning.

Had it not been for his charismatic personality, I probably would have passed him over in a line-up.  He really wasn't my type - but, did I even know what my type was anymore? I had run the gamut....everything except short.

I just can't do short. CAN'T!

He was bald - it didn't matter. 

He was younger than me - it didn't matter. 

He lived 3.5 hours away from me - it didn't matter. 

He had the same name as my ex-boyfriend.....Oh, God that mattered.  

But, I got over it.


DC Dude understood me. He got me. He saw the same things in me that my girlfriends did.  That meant a lot to me.

He gave excellent advice - and loved my blog. Yes, not only did I tell him about my blog, but he read it!  And, you know, I never tell guys about my blog!

He genuinely took an interest in me, which meant a lot and as an avid reader himself, he suggested, "The War of Art," which is now one of my favorite books.


(An excellent read and I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone who struggles with their creative side.)

Reading the first few pages, I knew he had nailed it...he got it. He got me.  I was beside myself.  Damn him.

After devouring the book, it now goes wherever I go - I've even started re-reading it for the second time. I even sleep with the dang book in my bed.  It's my security blanket, my reminder that I am a writer - no matter what.

*Big smile*

Our weekend arrives and I drive the 3.5 hours to DC.  I was nervous.  This could make us, or break us.  The "what if's" were making my head spin, but I had a lot of faith in God.  If it wasn't him, then it will be the next guy.

First night was great - he looked a little different than his photo's, but who doesn't?  Hell - he could have been missing an arm and I wouldn't have noticed. Good people are hard to find, and chemistry is even harder.  I felt I had found both.

The weekend had a good start. He was kind, sweet, considerate - very considerate.  But then, I started to notice he was becoming withdrawn - I was having a hard time talking with him.  Great, I travel 250 miles, spend countless hours on the phone getting to this point and now he's withdrawing? 

I was having a great time. How could he not be happy?  We woke up and it had been snowing outside his Georgetown apartment, as the weather report predicted two feet of snow - a blizzard that would white-out our whole weekend together. How magical is that?!  Everyone knows there's no crying in baseball and you can't be in a bad mood when it's snowing outside!!!!!

(This was the view from his apartment Saturday morning!)

Saturday morning, DC's friend came over, and we decided to go for a walk in the fresh snow, then breakfast.

After breakfast, we took a drive to go see the monuments, which was right down the street from us.  Snow was everywhere - tons of it, and nobody was on the roads because of the blizzard. It was perfect, except for the fact that DC was still being pretty quiet - but holding my hand everywhere we went and remained very considerate helping me over the snow banks when we crossed the street.

We stopped at a local fresh food market to buy Christmas wreaths for DC Dude's apartment windows.  He really wanted to give his neighborhood some Christmas spirit, because, as he had pointed out earlier, there wasn't one single Christmas light, or wreath, anywhere.

We approached a guy selling Christmas trees and wreaths.  DC asked for three wreaths and almost ended up paying $20 each.  I stepped in and haggled with the guy. We got three for $45, instead of $60.  Clearly, something else was on his mind.  Sixty bucks for three wreaths?  What was he thinking?!  (I really wanted to offer the guy $10 each, but I didn't want to look too pushy in front of my date.) 

We put the wreaths into the trunk of the car, then we were off to see the White House!!!! There was probably at least 10" of snow on the ground by then, and it didn't look like it was stopping anytime soon.  I couldn't be happier. I was walking hand-in-hand with a great guy on a beautiful, snowy day.

Next, we stopped at a cheese shop called, The Cowgirl Creamery.

The aroma of this place was to die for.  We sampled a few different kinds of cheese from all over the world. DC bought my favorite, which was a creamy cheese from Holland with chocolate truffle slivers in it.  He bought a nice cheddar.  I was in Heaven.  

Cheese!!!!

Next, we went to CVS to buy the lights and bows for the wreaths, hung them up in the windows, lit some candles and opened the cheese and a bottle of red wine.  I was happier than a pig in poop!!!!

And I thought he was too...

Sunday came, and I couldn't ignore his distance anymore, so I tried to talk to him about it.  He had me thinking, based upon how quiet he was being, that he wasn't into me for some reason.  I was so hurt by this, because I couldn't understand why he wouldn't be into me.

For well over an hour we sat in his living room talking. He said he was being distant because he got some bad news before I arrived for the weekend that he might be losing his job. Monday morning, he would know if he still had a job or not. 

Ouch.

But, really?  So, even though you can't do anything about it right now, you are going to ruin our time together?  

*blink-blink*  

I just drove 250 miles!!!!  I'm here now....I'm present, and you are not!  Shit happens in life - please don't screw this up with me...was all I could think about.

But, he didn't get it.  He looked at me like a deer in the headlights. He was consumed or just not that into me and maybe using this as an excuse. I couldn't tell because he just wouldn't talk to me about and he certainly didn't try to reassure me.

I was feeling unwanted and uncomfortable, and I was about to leave after our conversation, but another one of his friends showed up at his apartment and asked us both to brunch. So, I go, hoping that a little food and a Mimosa might help our situation.

I meet his Sunday brunch friends. They are cool. Much like my girlfriends, but I'm still not feeling the love from him. He's closed off.  Emotionally unavailable. Boy, do I know how to pick them!

I leave right after we eat. He gives me directions and a quick hug and kiss good-bye. I had 3.5 hour drive to think about the whole weekend. I couldn't believe it.  We had a connection. Where did it disappear to?

Tuesday, he called to let me know that he was able to keep his job and I was elated for him.  A big relief.  Great, so what about us?  He still kept his distance over the next few days.  This crushed me.

We went from talking three times a day to zero.  ZERO!  It was really bothering me.

Ironically, my horoscope for the day said, "Instead of pushing for closure now, work at becoming more comfortable with the unknown."  Right!  Sorry, but I'm not good with the "unknown."

The "unknown" was consuming me, and I needed closure, because why would I want to be involved with someone who could easily shut me out - especially in a vital time like this?  How could he not share an important part of his life, like losing his job with me? This wasn't how you treat the girl you like and this is not how you treat a friend. Clearly, I was neither to him.

I went to the Honorable Judge Nathan (my brother) with my dilemma, and even brought it to the High Court of Mom.  However, even with their input, I just felt that he wasn't into me for whatever reason. 

I was crushed.  

*BIG SAD FACE* 

It had been almost a week after I'd seen DC Dude.  I was in New Hampshire for Christmas and had just left my friend Denise's house after having a glass of wine with her. I decided enough was enough.  Enough of this charade and mixed signals!  DC Dude needed to be up front with me.

As soon as I get into Red Rocket I called him - and called him out on it. I told him that if he wasn't into me, then he just needed to be honest with me and let me know. He barely said two words in the conversation and that was enough for me. We said good-bye and that was that.

I disconnect our call and my phone lights up with a text. Oh, my God, it's The Senator!  My wonderful lover, who decided to go get himself a girlfriend.  

(Why do people do that?! We only got to see each other twice!  DAMMIT!)

  *SIGH* 

Senator: "Hey, me and my brother were just at the Wild Rover looking for you."

Really?  Impeccable timing. I'd love to see you. Sounds fun, I'll be down there in 30 minutes.  Hookah bar?  Yes. Save some for me, I'm having a bad night.

So, as my crazy life would have it, I sat there with The Senator and his brother, smoking hookah at a cool new bar.  Yes, I was genuinely happy to see him, and happy that he was happy with his new girlfriend.  I knew she was a better match for him, than I was.  He was a good man and deserved happiness.

I found comfort in The Senator, because he could tell me anything and likewise.  I ended up telling him about DC Dude charade and like anyone who knows me, he was also surprised to hear that DC Dude let me go so easily.

As I sat there getting high off of the hookah and enjoying The Senator's company, I smiled to myself as remembered my brother's advice:

"You gotta treat life as a comedy. 

Getting angry won't get you anywhere.

Laughing however..."

The Supreme Court of Mom

I've learned over the years that whenever I have a problem, or a dilemma, there are various levels of advice.

As with all court systems in the United States, there are different levels.  In the Federal Courts, we have the following:

It's pretty simple. You start at the bottom, and if you don't like the ruling you can appeal and have your case heard by a higher court. The highest court, being the "Supreme Court.”

Key word: “SUPREME.”

I like that.

In my life, there are various levels of courts that I can go through as well.  I've got problems that I can't seem to resolve on my own, but my “cases” are a little different. They are never over a dispute, but rather a dilemma that I feel I need seek out other opinions.

Level #1: “The Independent Judge.”

Depending on the problem, depends on which friend I call. These are friends who are non-judgmental, who know me better than anyone else, and they always give diplomatic opinions. These are my closest girlfriends:  Mary, Beth, and Pam.  Long-time friends, who know me, better than I sometimes know myself. They see things that I usually can't, or in some cases – I don't want to see. Opinions are brief, firm......and on-the-money. 

Level #2: "The Hen House."

When individual opinions are not enough, then it's time to take it to the next higher level:

The Hen House

This is my New Hampshire support team.  No roosters.......just chicks. We all went to school together, so they have known me since my look-alike Peg Bundy days!

(Ya...that's me on the far left....Lisa, Christie, Kelly and Brigitte are missing, but that's basically the crew.) My long-time friends who have been there through the good times and the bad – and unfortunately, there have been a lot of "bad."  Thankfully, that's what they are best at....lifting my spirits, picking me back up, dusting me off, and quickly reminding me of what's really most important in my life…..THEM!

We've been through everything together - boyfriends, marriages, babies, divorces, very drunk nights - and even getting arrested together.

(We were only 17.) 

So, ya...it's like that.

No matter what I may face in life, they have an answer for it. If I lose my job, Justine, Julie and Gail would be quick to find me another one.  If I was broke, Julie would feed me with her home-made cooking. If a boy broke my heart - Christie, Kelly, Denise and Lisa would be quick to remind me that my Mr. Right is still out there - that he’s just right around the corner; it's just a matter of time.

If I was out of town, and my mother was in a full-blown diabetic insulin reaction and needed assistance, Gail and Julie would be racing to her house, getting the orange juice out....or getting ready to pull a "Pulp Fiction" on my Mamma!  (True story by the way.)

Regardless, they are always there to give me support - whether it comes in the form of advice, a shoulder to cry on.

Or, a refill on my Jack & Coke!!! 

Woo-hoo!

But sometimes that’s not enough, and I have to go to the next higher level.  He’s the judge and jury, and I call upon him when it comes to understanding guys. The door to his chambers reads:

The Honorable Nathan (big brother)
Specialty: A Cold Hard Slap of Reality

Nathan gives me the low-down on how guys think. I get the first-hand perspective from a guy's point-of-view.  He's a professional when it comes to removing all emotions from the equation, and just dealing with the cold, hard facts.  Unlike me, who gets her emotions all tangled up in a rat's nest, so much, sometimes, that I can’t even see straight. (Ya, I know.  It’s the Cancer in me….I can’t help it. I was born with high intuition, and I tend to feel more things than most people.  It's not easy being me!)

Here's a recent ruling from Nathan after asking for advice:

You have to treat life as a comedy, not a tragedy. Getting mad doesn’t really get you anywhere. Laughing, however…..

Laughing however......he's got that right.  

Yes, thank you Nathan!  He reminds me of what I already know. That’s Nathan. No fluff…..no fuss. It works for me.

Next level up is my "Supreme Court."

The Supreme Court of Mom

Yep, that's right.  My Mommer has a great judge of character.  It takes a really authentic person to win over my mother.  She calls it, how she sees it - without regard to whether or not her opinion is going to hurt my feelings.  I could be in mid-sentence describing a new boy, and without even meeting the person, she'll say that she doesn't like him.  BAM!

I once dated a guy for 3 years, and she always called him a “sales man,” from day one. She never liked him.  She said he was always trying to sell himself - always trying to impress me, and anyone else who would listen. I didn’t agree with her at the time, but now looking back, I realize that she was dead-on. He ended up pulling the wool over my eyes, breaking my heart, etc.....etc. I won’t go into detail, but at the end, it wasn’t pretty.

Damn, Mamma…..why do you have to be right all the time?

Intuitive…like she’s psychic, or something. She always knows how it’s going to end, if they are going to come back, if I’m going to grow tired of them……and on, and on. She likes to remind me of the theory that “whatever bothers you at the beginning of a relationship is usually the reason why you will break up in the end.”

She’s been right about 95% of the time.

How to Break Up With Me

I have to post this - this is from a year ago from a guy that I was interested in - his name was Christopher.  We had gone out a few times - I knew he was interested in me, but I felt that there was something missing, and I was right.

*Big sigh*

As usual, my gut intuition was right.  Well, at least he didn't pull a dick-move and start avoiding me.  No....he had integrity, one of the things I liked about him.  *smiles*  He was a Free Mason - a Harvard graduate, and very cute, too. One night I got this email from him:

Carrie:

Hmmmmm....I am writing to tell you that I have to stop pursuing a relationship with you. 

I must apologize.  I have been talking with my ex-girlfriend, as it seems that there are still unsettled issues.  I kind of feel like a fool, after all of the conversations we have had about it...but...I do still have strong feelings for her.  It seems they are easy to avoid when you are not talking, and re-surface when you are...

I remember you talking about that self-centered guy, who didn't really care about anyone but himself.  So, I am trying to show you respect by being truthful with you and taking the time to express my feelings.

Carrie, I can't say enough wonderful things about you - you reminded me of a lot of things that were once important to me that I hadn't thought about for quite awhile.  You really are something else.  A real lady - a dying breed.  I am grateful for the time that we spent together, and don't think that I will ever forget you. I hope that you can take the time that we spent together at face value, and understand that it was genuine.

I don't know if you are able to still keep in touch, but I would like to, and would feel lucky to consider you a friend. 

I really did want to call, but I am afraid all of this would not come out the right way! Please understand...

My deepest respect,

Chris

 

So, that was that, and no we did not stay friends.  Glad I could keep him company while he figured out that he was still in love with his girlfriend!  That was my knee-jerk reaction, but I do have to say that it was a nice gesture to stay friends.

Ya.....but no!  I've already got enough friends.....thank...you...very...much!  *Hmph!*  Plus, why would I want to hang around and watch while he and his girlfriend got back together?  I'm a strong woman, but I'm not that strong.  I liked him enough that that would have definitely bothered me - watching them be all happy-happy. I just couldn't do it.

So, the only way I know to "un-like" someone is to wish them well, but end all communication.  Yes, he got a nice email back from me.  A nice, sweet email wishing him well...

So,that was that. Just my luck.  I'll add that one to the many reasons why I'm still single:  He went back to his ex-girlfriend.

Man, I have a way of picking them!

How do we say it girls????

NEXT!!!!!!

Bad Behavior Will Get You Here:

A brilliant idea....I only wish I had created this website!  Guys, all I can say, is that if you are a liar in any way, shape or form - trust me, you'll end up on this website.  Currently, there at 57,000 jerks listed on here.  Heat-breaking as it is, I have actually FOUND a guy I was dating on here. 

JUST MY LUCK! Imagine that. Shit happens to me all the time...and now I can add to the list of things I have experience - finding out that the guy you are in love with, is already married and living a double life!

But when I found out that he had been dating other women at the same time as me, I never felt vengeful towards the other women.  Never - not once.  My anger was towards the liar I was dating, and cut off all ties with him.

But generally, I find that most women will fight over their boyfriend - with the other woman!  Why??? I've never understood that - can't even comprehend their rationality when they find out their husband/boyfriend cheated on them - they get mad at the OTHER girl! 

*smacks head* 

What is that?????  God!  A woman's thinking gets turned upside down and so very twisted in these types of situations.  And I can honestly say that I'm ashamed of my fellow sister for not thinking enough of herself, and clinging to her shitty boyfriend.  Why can't women for one second take a breath, and remove her silly, little head out...of......her.......ass!  I mean, seriously...y'all fight are fighting over a guy who cheated on you, while he just sits back and watches you girls duke it out - knowing one of you will come back.

You anger is being directed at the wrong person.  Let me remind you, this is a guy who just cheated on you - and he should be treated accordingly - like dropped like a bad habit!  You deserve better. Walk away, dust your shoulders off and love yourself enough to not spend anymore time on that lying, cheating bastard.

By fighting over him, you are enabling his bad behavior.  You are REWARDING him, by trying to stay with him.  Don't be that girl.  Move on, sister.  Or, better yet...here's an idea, go get a drinky-poo with the other girl.  Meet her and have dinner, swap stories and have a few laughs over the dirt-bag you just kicked to the curb. You just might make a life-long friend, and everyone - espeically during this volatile time, could use another girlfriend who understands what you are going through, right? 

So, getting back to my little story, I found a guy I was deeply involved with on this website http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/   Believe me, I was utterly devasted when everything came to light.  And, rather than having animosity towards the "other woman,".....oooooh, uhmmmm - let me correct myself here!  Rather than having animosity toward the other WOMEN who were also dating him at the same time I was I, instead, reached out to the others, talked with most of them and discovered that talking it out with everyone involved was a very healing process for me.  It me closure - honesty does that.

Through this dark period of time I noticed that there was one girl who stood out more than the others.  We called and emailed each other all the time, we went out to dinner so we could finally meet, and when we did, we discovered that we had a lot in common, besides the cheater.  

It's been just about over a year that this all happened.  I don't even think about Scott anymore, because all the hurt and pain ended up being over-shadowed by the gift of a loyal and caring friend. Today, I consider her one of my dearest and best friends - and you know who you are, sister! 

You were the light in a very dark situation.  A blessing in disguise!

Love you, girl!

Baby, baby, baby!

When did pet names become used so loosely?  It seems as though in the dating world, people right off the bat start calling me: Babe, Baby, Sweetie and Hon.

I know what you are thinking, you are asking me what's wrong with that.  I should be thankful - they are sweet, endearing pet names.  But remember, I'm in the midst of the dating world, where I've met a lot of guys, and it's just a known fact that everyone has more than one person on their dating roster.

From the get-go, guys will call me everything - but by my name! 

I naturally think the worst before I think the best...so maybe, it's because they don't remember my name?

*laughing*

That would be horrible......but it's a reality!

Yes, THAT could truly be a possibility...you know how guys can be...don't want to screw up a chance with a girl, by accidentally calling her another name!  So, they use the more generic names they can't screw up like: Baby, Babe, Hon.

Seriously, what the Hell?  Isn't anything kept sacred anymore, or preserved for the long, sought-after Holy Grail - the monogamous relationship?

To me, pet names are reserved for the more serious relationship, and they are said with a sweet, sincere and endearing tone.  With guys I've met recently, it just seems as though after ONE date, they are calling me "Babe."

"Hey, Babe I want to see you tonight."

Yuck!  It really turns me off.  Look, I realize that I'm not the only girl they are dating...and to me, it's just kinda sleezey.  Like they are trying to convince me that the relationship is more than what it really is - c'mon! Silly boys......do they really think they can fool this red head?

Writing this, I am reminded of one time when I was dating a guy who was using the usual pets names with me.  We were only on our 3rd date.  We stopped at a store and as we were checking out, he grabs his bag and says to the cashier, "Thanks, Hon." 

Trust me, if I had felt anything for that guy before, I saw it fly out the window at that very second. Call me bajiggity, but I think if you are going to call me "Hon," then don't be calling anyone else that - especially the check-out girl, right in front of me!

So, guys...I think I can speak for most women; when dating, please refain from using pet-names too early - unless you are serious about the girl, because you're not fooling anyone!

The Rules

Growing up, me and my brother, Nathan, just did not get along.  Like, at all.  It was your typical brother/sister rivalry.  He was a ruthless jerk, always teasing me incessantly.  In high school, things seemed to calm down a bit, but then once his friends started noticing me, he made it clear that nobody was allowed to date me, which completely ruined my dating life in high school.

Years later, when I was living in Nashville, Nathan and his girlfriend decided to move down to Nashville with me. After a year, we were fortunate enough to be living in the same apartment duplex on the West End of Nashville.  Nathan and Nicole had the first floor, and I has the second floor.  Life was good!

Downtown Nashville, TN

A few months later after they moved to Nashville Nathan and Nicole's relationship fell apart, as Nicole started playing head games with Nathan.  This did not fly with me and Nathan.  For about a month we put up with her little charades, until she crossed the line one night.

Without getting into detail, after an argument one night, Nicole came upstairs to my apartment looking for my support.  She was clearly very upset, and stood there with her story and her best acting skills and tried to drive a wedge between me and Nathan.

I stood there listening to her go on and on - she was trying to my brother look bad.  But, I knew Nathan better so everything fell on deaf ears. I knew where my loyalty stood - and it wasn't with her. 

I walked her downstairs to talk to Nathan.  We both knew she was up to her little bag of tricks again and we both had enough of her games.  Nothing was going to change my mind about my brother.  I knew he was a fair person - plus blood was thicker than water.

Nathan ended up kicking her out, and I slammed the door behind her. 

*WHAM!* 

And that was the end of her.  

Ah, buh-bye crazy girlfriend!

Clearly, she wasn't aware of Rule #1....

 

"The Rules"

Rule #1:
Blood is thicker than water.

 Rule #2:
Don't date each others friends, or acquaintances.
(That way we don't ever have to resort back to Rule #1.)

Rule #3:
Don't talk about sex lives.
(Details should never go beyond, "I had a sleep over last night.")

Rule #4:
Never throw the other person under the bus.
(No. Matter. What.)

Rule #5
Don't be judgmental.
(Sooner or later we'll probably be doing the same thing.)

I have to say that night, in Nashville, was a turning point for me, and maybe for Nathan, too. I don't know.  But, it was definitely a pivotal moment in our relationship, because Rule #1 was put to the test.   I realized how important it was to Nathan not to question his character - that staying loyal to your family, no matter what - and without question was based on trust.  And even though Nicole and I had become good friends, my relationship was with Nathan was more important.  Period.

Don't Touch My Superhero Ass!

Halloween.....the time of year when women can bring out the "Ho" in Halloween.  (Yes, I realize that there is no "Ho" in Halloween, but whatever - you get my point.)

My friend, Justine, suggests that we dress up as superhero's and not just any super hero's, but sexy superhero's!  Sure, why not?  She sends me a link to a website of all the costumes to pick from.  I pick Robin - the girl wonder.  That's me, right?  Girl wonder?

Pleased with my selection, until I took a closer look at the picture of my outfit.  How short is that skirt?  Better yet, exactly how tall is that model? 

I chuckle...Miss Five-Foot-Seven with a boob job?  She's maybe 5'6"?  Hell, you can never tell with these catalog models - they can be really deceiving and really, all I care about is how that costume going to fit on my 5'11" body?!

It could be a problem!

Stupid....petite....model!  Nobody is that size!

I figured I'd take my chances.  I bought the costume for $49.99 and crossed my fingers. God, please let the costume be long enough to cover my butt!

My costume arrives in the mail a few days later. Immediately, I tried it on with my high-heeled black boots. As I'm sliding it over my head and down around my body, I can't help but think that the model in the picture must have been a midget. Now I'm thinking the model was probably only 5'5"!

The size I ordered was a medium - and daum! Why can't they make everything in tall???? Maybe if I pulled it down... It's pleather. It should stretch!

The skirt was only 15" long.  It was the shortest thing I've ever worn in my life. I was worried if it will cover my butt or not.  God forbid it shimmies up by accident during the night without me noticing.

I was taking a leap of faith in the name of having a good time with my girlfriends - even the stitching was suspect. I prayed that the seams didn't start to unravel during the middle of my night...

Halloween night, I get ready at Justine's house - she is Batwoman and our other friend is Captain America. It was going to be a night of pleather - I could smell it!  Literally!  And knowing pleather doesn't breathe, I put on extra deodorant - just in case!

We go to a house party - it's a nice group of people.  Mostly everyone there is dressed up.  I pour myself a Jack & Coke and start mingling.  The night is going well - there's a lot of high school friends there, Catwoman, Wonder Woman, Danika Patrick, a Pirate, a Wench, and another Captain America.  I'm having fun. I love my girlfriends!

Life is good, and so far, no wardrobe malfunctions.

Around 11:30pm, we all decide to head over to The Wild Rover, where my brother was working.  I was hoping to score the $200 prize for sexiest costume.

Upon arrival, my brother is standing outside and tells me we just missed the contest.

Dammit, Nathan!

Didn't he know that on of his responsibilities, as my older brother, is to tell me about these things?  What kind of bar manager is he that he doesn't inform his favorite sister, and her hot friends, about what time the contest was?  I could have used that $200!

We all go inside the bar - I'm trying to nonchalantly pull down my tiny skirt, and really hoping that my brother doesn't freak out and notice that the skirt is way too short for me.  (It would be just my luck that he's the one to witness my superhero ass cheeks falling out!)

But, apparently I was covered, or maybe he didn't look. 

It would have been weird if he looked...

Ya, he wouldn't look. 

The bar is crowded.  We buy drinks.  Everyone I walk by is yelling, "Robin!"  That's right, my name is friggin' Robin tonight! I'm towering over everyone as I make my way through the crowd in my high-heeled boots. I'm looking to fight crime!!  (Or, at least score a free Jack & Coke?)

Yes, fight crime - that was my intention, until some drunkie-drunkard walked up to me in his staggering haze, stopped in his tracks when his eyes saw the girls and slowly inserted his index finger into my right boob.

Yes, he inserted his index finger into my right boob, as if he was testing it to see if they are real or not! 

I'm standing there stunned.  I'm shocked.  At that moment, my hair definitely got redder and my blood pressure sky-rocketed!

I start yelling at the guy, but his two friends were quick to move in and make excuses - one of them even offered to buy me a drink - hoping that would shut me up.  (Like a drink was going to make up for that?!)  Then the apologies turned into, "Hey, you are really hot in that Robin outfit.  Forget about my friend, so what is your name?"

Wasn't it obvious that my name was Robin?  Hello?

I look over at Mr. Drunkie who is standing there staring at me - swaying.  He's testing me.  Yes, asshole, the boobs are real. My attention goes back to his friends then back at the perpetrator.  I make a fist - I'm still steaming mad. This fiery red-head is about to lose it! I pull back my arm and get ready to punch him in his face, but then I remember...

...I am in my brother's bar...and if you want to be treated like a lady, then you have to act like a lady.  God forbid, I am remembered as "Nathan's sister, who punched a guy in the face." 

Ya...not so flattering. 

At first, I was going to let it go - everyone was having a good time, and Nathan wasn't anywhere in sight. So, I tell Drunkie's friends, to back off and suggest that they all get out of my sight.

I turned back to my group of friends, grabbed my Jack & Coke and managed to calm down.  However, about 20 minutes later and wouldn't you know, Mr. Drunkie has managed to find his way back around the bar into our area. What's worse is that he's perched his sorry drunken ass on the bar stool right behind me. However, I'm determined not to let him bother me, so I just keep my back towards him and continue to chat with my girlfriends - I'll just ignore him. 

This theory was working until he...... 

GRABBED MY SUPERHERO ASS!!!!!!! 

(I'm talking full-on-grab.)

I spin around and yell, "Mother f******! Are you kidding me????"  I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed him grabbing my ass, but the only thing people saw was me cursing him out.  And, even as I stood there reading him the Riot Act, nobody stepped in.  I took a quick look around - trying to find my brother, or even the guy that I was kind of interested in, Writer Dude, who was standing at the end of the bar with his friends - too interested in them to notice that I was a damsel in distress!

(Buddy, you just lost points!)

Great, nobody noticed or they ignored it. People just don't care anymore. I'm convinced of this. Fine.

FINE! 

F-I-N-E!!!!!!!

I'm yelling at the guy again, but realize he could care less, and was giving me the "Whaaah?  What did I do?" look. 

*HMPH!*

I turn to my friends, "I'll be right back!"  I made my way down through the crowd towards the front of the bar, frantically looking for my big brother - and then I spot him and yelled, "NATHAN!"

He comes over to me. I'm five-years old again, as I try to explain what just happened.

"And, and, and...then he put his finger in my boob, Nathan!

*sniffle-sniffle* 

"At first, I thought I should just let it go, but then that fucker, I think you know him - maybe he's one of your friends?  Nate, he might be one of your friends. I don't know and I don't care!  He's a fucker! And I'm so pissed off right now!  And, and...Nathan, he grabbed my superhero ass!"

*big lip*

In an instant, I saw my sweet brother turn into a very, very, pissed-off man.  There wasn't any more explanation needed, because he growled, "Where...is...he?!"  I pointed to the area where my friends were standing and then I walked back through the crowd as Nathan followed.

And wouldn't you know, stupid Drunkie was still at the scene of the crime. I looked back at Nathan and pointed at the perpetrator who was about to get...WRATH OF NATHAN!

"That's him!  Right there!"

*pointing* 

Like the Leo that he is, Nathan roared over the crowd, "Matty, you are out of here!  That's my fucking sister you touched! You are out of here!  NOW!"

(Clearly, Matty doesn't know "The Rules")

I stood behind Nathan, trying to stay calm - the bastard apparently couldn't conceptualize the fact that he was being thrown out. He argued a bit, but left without Nathan laying a hand on him.  However! Deep down inside I really wanted Matty see him get tossed out - the hard way!

I was really hoping that jerk would get some of this:

(Nathan, you didn't think I had that picture, did you?!)

Nonetheless, my night was fun. I was trying to fight crime or at least score a drink, and my own brother had to come to my rescue! 

Later that night, via text:

Me:  Thank you for being my super hero tonight and coming to my rescue!

Nathan:  I'm your FB!

Yes he is!

On-Line Dating: Never Boring, Always Entertaining

Oh, the joys of on-line dating!  I've been corresponding with a few people here and there, but it's sh*t like this that takes the cake! 

CARRIE: Thanks for your email. I like what I read in your profile, but why do you only have one photo?

BRANDON: Questioning my age and whether the photo is real or not is understandable - I suppose; but since you seem to have doubts about me already, I don't think we are a good fit. Too bad--you're a gorgeous woman.

What kind of sh*t is that?  A perfect example of a fake profile!  He knew that's where our conversation was leading to and he wouldn't be able to provide anymore photo's of himself. This is the kinda of crap that I have to weed through.

This guy is probably a bored married man, sitting in his office cubicle, hiding behind his fake profile, and looking for some company on-line.  Mother!  Oh, and by the way, he deleted his profile after our last communication - or did he block me?

My friend, Mary, wrote this one:

MARY:  I think you might have winked me twice! I honestly don't usually respond to those who don't have much filled out in their profile - did you know there are fake profiles on here? :) Usually the ones that are that short and don't have much filled out are ones to beware of, but I get the feeling you're not one of them. And by the way, you're quite handsome.

RICH:  Thanks. Don't be so jaded.

Excuse me?  What did he just say?  Prrrrrrrrick!  Mary, I can see the red, warning flag being hoisted up the pole already! 

*salutes*

RICH:  You're already in "defense" mode via your email, which is a turn-off.  Lighten up. No one owes you anything on here.

Lighten up?  Oh, he did not just say that.  He's a "Let-Me-Make-You-Feel-Like-There's-Something-Wrong-With-You," fucker. 

Can I say "fucker" on here?

MARY:  Not jaded, and not really good of you to say that when you don't know me - I'm careful, as a woman should be.  Maybe when you reach my age, you'll understand.

RICH:  Careful of what?

Clearly, he's oblivious AND insensitive.  Tell him, Mary, careful of those pricks like you!

MARY:  You're completely mistaken, and don't tell people to lighten up when you don't know them - you don't know the types of freaks on here that contact me.  My email was fairly sweet and open; it was just explaining why I didn't respond the first time.  Good luck with speaking like that to the women on here, apparently, you need someone who is a bit more naive.

And then she told me she blocked him.  LOVE the "block" option.

If I'm jaded, it's because it's in my GENES!

Am I still single, because I'm somehow jaded?  Or, could it already be pre-programmed in my genes?!  How is it that both me and my brother have never been engaged, never married, and certainly, never had any kids.  

How have we both gone through life having pretty similar relationship experiences and have the same end result?

We are both good-looking, articulate, intelligent, personable, out-going people!  I don't get it. WTH?


Maybe we are both scared?  Is it self-fulfilling proficiencies?

Case and point: A few years ago, when I was living out in Los Angeles, I tried to entice my brother, Nathan, to come join me for a large pot-luck Thanksgiving with all my friends.
 
11-04-2005
Hey there sis.  I am using our new laptop while I am eating lunch at the bar. I love this WiFi stuff.  Not even plugged in anywhere.  I am just so fucking high-tech.

Been thinking about Thanksgiving, and that it would be nice to spend Thanksgiving with you and your friends, but its going to be a real busy week here at the bar.   Plus, my girlfriend's folks have invited Mom and I to dinner that day, which makes me think....if I bring my Mom to meet her Mom.......and we all have dinner together....then what's next?!


Engagement ring

Marriage

Kids

Divorce

Visitation/custody battles

Alcoholism

Psychotherapy

Bankruptcy

Pan-handling the streets

Recovery

Rehabilitation

Paranoia

Obesity

Insane asylums

Suicide attempts

Break outs

Excommunication

Heart failure

Cancer

Brain tumors

...and finally, a retirement community!

Shit! I just might try and find out if I can get a few days off that week and fly out!

Nathan

*Checking watch*

See that???? That was years ago....Nathan's relationship didn't last...and we are both...still...single!

It's gotta be there in the genetic make-up somehow.  I'm certain of it. 

Just Call Me A Date Wrecker

Back in March, I was in NYC meeting one of my New Hampshire girlfriends, Denise, at the ever-so-lovely, Algonquin Hotel.

She and her fiancé, Gary, who lives in London, were having a little weekend rendezvous, and this was my first time meeting him. I was very excited.

That night, I get to The Algonquin Hotel on time, and meet up with Denise in her room.  She tells me that Gary's flight from London is late, so we decide to go downstairs to the bar, and have a cocktail while we waited.

After having our first drink, Denise and I somehow started talking to the couple sitting next to us.  At one point, I told them we were waiting for Denise's fiancé and announce that they had just gotten engaged. Then we asked the couple why they were there at the hotel.  It turned out that they were on their first Match.com date.

I naturally had to chime in about how I felt about Match.com - my horrible luck and that I've been off and on for a few years.

As I'm talking, I notice that this woman's date is staring at me. And, I mean staring.  I do my best to ignore him and keep the conversation going with his date.  I'm fidgeting though, trying to be cool - trying to maintain my composure as best as possible, but he was making it difficult. He wasn't taking his eyes off of me.

I feel weirdness in the air.  I'm trying like Hell to avoid any and all eye-contact with her date. Then the guy interrupts me and says, "Ya, I remember you. I winked at you several times and sent you a few emails, but you never replied back."

Uh-O, someone just turned up the dial on the "Uncomfortable Meter," because now I'm super uncomfortable!

I take a sip of my martini and look up, taking a really good look at him.

Oh, shit. I do recognize him! AWWWWWWW.......HELL! He's one of the guys who has winked and emailed me several times over the years, but I never replied. 

(Maybe he should have read my blog: "No Answer, Is Your Answer.")

I can't even remember if I said anything back to him besides, "Oh, really?" as I felt really bad for his date.  She was just sitting there looking at him, then looking at me, then looking back at him.  Not good.  And certainly not something you would expect on your first date.

I have no idea how this couple's date was going before he made his comments to me, but they left shortly thereafter.


A few weeks after the "Algonquin run-in," I get this:

Maketheleap says:

You totally wrecked my 1st date with someone - I could not keep my eyes away from you ;-)... Do you remember - mid-town west about 3 weeks ago? Match is starting to seem like "through the looking glass," and you just popped up from the rabbit hole. You were with your friend, who was getting married - I said hello because I remembered you - we once exchanged msgs... If you're not careful you can lose your true self with online dating... Well I think my true self would like to meet you... Hope you might be inclined - I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about. 

Best wishes... Marcus

It was a very nice email he sent to me, but seriously?  I wrecked his date?  I know he was trying to give me a compliment in his email, but at the same time, he could have handled himself a little better in front of his date, and not made it so obvious that he was awestruck with me.

I do wish I felt some sort of "pull" with him, but I don't. Instinctively, I've always felt a creepiness with him - plus, the fact that he's had the same picture up on Match.com, for God knows how long, doesn't give me a warm-and-fuzzy kind of feel from him.  

There was never a spark - he's not my type.  I didn't feel anything when he contacted me long ago and, unfortunately, it didn't change even when he was sitting right in front of me.

This is the part of dating that I hate - the let-down, whether I'm being let down, or I'm causing someone else to be let down...it's all the same.  It still sucks - big time.

*Big sad face*

I've been called a lot of things before, but I guess now I can add to the list, "Date Wrecker." 

------------------------------------------------------

12.04.09  UPDATE!!!!

I'm truly BESIDE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!  This stupid story about this guy just keeps going!

So, I'm sitting here with my friend, Beth, who is also an on-line dating veteran, and I'm showing her the ideas I've got for future blogs about dating. We're sitting on the couch together with my laptop on my knee showing her some of the photo's that I've saved from various profiles that would go with my stories. 

As I'm showing her the various photo's, she stops me and points to the picture of Marcus.  I look at her and say, "What?"

She keeps pointing at the photo and looks at me with her eyes bulging.

"Him!"

"Him, who?  What? Yes, that's that guy from the Algonquin Run-In.  You know, the guy who called me the date wrecker.   Well, that's him."

"Oh my God, Carrie.  I dated him - and he was a HUGE womanizer.  Total scum."

WHAT?! You have GOT to be kidding me!  AGAIN?  So, now we've dated two of the same guys before we knew each other!???

See, I knew he was a Mr. Creepy Man!  Jerk!  See, and this is what I'm talking about - for all of my friends who think I'm being too picky and too judgmental and not giving guys a chance, my gut intuition has yet to be wrong!

Normally, I would never post someone's picture, but in this case I think everyone should see what a dirt-bag looks like!