Saturday, May 21, 2011

DC Dude: Part 6

(Continued from DC Dude: Part 5)

Did you really think that the last blog on DC Dude would be the last?

Well, it's not  - clearly, because here I am...writing...part SIX!

After spending hours writing Part 5, I realized that I had left no room for discourse with DC Dude - I just went at him.  I wasn't asking questions - I just assumed I knew everything and started blasting him.  I came to this realization after writing and re-writing the blog. After I was done editing it, I sounded like a crazy, bitter girl, which I am not. I was just frustrated with his lack of communication.  

I felt horrible for the tone I had used.  Where was the kind, loving girl that my grandmother had raised me to be?  I had no idea what was going on in his world and what did I have to lose by reaching out to him with an apology and telling him how I really felt?  My gut was telling me to go for it.

Carrie:  As hard as I try...

Carrie:  I can't stop thinking about you.  That's the truth.  Yes, I miss you.  And, I shouldn't have come across the way I did - I hope you can understand why - I was just so frustrated with you.

DC Dude:  Good.  Think of you as well.  Forgiven.

Carrie:  LOL...I haven't apologized yet!

Carrie:  I know I should be calling you rather than texting, but I have a hard time actually saying things sometimes.  Scary for me... So I'm going to be a chicken shit and just text you, OK?  First, is this a good time or are you busy?

DC Dude:  Ya ya.  OK.

Carrie:  ...and crappy signal at my mom's house!  Ya!  That's it!  That's why I have to text!

DC Dude:  OK #2

Carrie:  Great...now there's an awful feeling in my stomach and I'm drawing a blank...

DC Dude:  Ugh.  Try counting backwards from 50 to 0.

Carrie:  Hell, I think I'm going to barf.  Watery mouth, etc. ...NO!  Dammit.  I can do this *mumbles expletive*

DC Dude:  The word is "FUCK."

Carrie:  Yes, that "F" word that I try not to use..thank you very much...

Carrie:  There are some things that I'm very confident about...and then there are some things that I'm not.  You have thrown me off so many times, but I keep coming back to what my gut tells me...  For me, to like you on any level is hard, because I feel that you have already rejected me once...and who the "F" does that?

Carrie:  50, 49, 48, 47, 46, 45....

Carrie:  44, 43, 42...

DC Dude:  Enough.

Carrie:  This doesn't work - this counting thing.

DC Dude:  Hell no.

Carrie:  OK, you really need to work on elaborating and use longer sentences.  Using just one or two words can easily be misconstrued.

DC Dude:  Then call.

So I did, and we ended up talking for over an hour.  I finally got it off my chest about how I really felt about him, and that I didn't believe that our September run-in was a coincidence.  I told him that I wasn't looking for meaningless sex; I wanted intimacy. And, in order to have intimacy, I needed chemistry, which I felt that I had with him. I missed him, and our conversations.  And finally, I said I didn't think it was fair to try to date other guys, when I knew I was stuck on him. I proposed that we start over.  

He was definitely surprised at my phone call, because, if you remember, the last thing I said to him was to leave me the *bleep* alone.   At the end of our conversation he told me he would seriously think about everything I had said.  I had read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus before, so I figured he just needed to go into his cave and think about things, although it wasn't the reply I was hoping for.

In my mind, and in my heart, I just wanted to come clean.  I just needed to know - was there real chemistry between us or not?  I knew I wasn't going to find out unless I gave it my best shot and that I laid out all my cards.  I wanted to follow my own advice about getting what you give.  I knew we weren't going to get anywhere unless I showed him I was willing to put some effort in.

After our talk, I switched up my game plan. I started texting less, and calling more. If I wanted to talk to him, I didn't wait for his call; I called him.  I noticed our conversations slowly started to flow again.  He shared with me that after almost a year of struggling financially, he was finally back on his feet again because he had started a new company.  I was genuinely happy for him.

At the end of April, we made plans to see each other. We would do a long weekend together:Thursday to Monday.

But, it seemed as though as soon as I booked my flight, he stopped calling and stopped returning my texts.  Never a good sign.  

Two weeks before my trip, I called to touch base.  He answered the phone and said he was on vacation with his father in Florida.  Oh, really?!  That was news to me. He was standing at a loud bar in the middle of the day and we couldn't hear each other very well, so he said he would call me later in the week.  Really?  Later in the week?  It was only Friday afternoon....

Again, not a good sign.

The week came and went and guess what? No call from DC Dude.  This was not looking good, but I was determined to just keep even-keeled and not jump to conclusions. 


Ten days later, and just a few days before I was scheduled to fly down to see him, I called DC Dude to make sure we were still on. He answered my call sounding flustered and said he would call me back later, as he was walking into church (at 2:00pm on a Monday afternoon?).

And hour later I get this text:

3:07pm

DC Dude:  Carrie, I just can't do it this week dear.  Too much going on right now.  My apologies.

Carrie:  And you tell me this in a text?

DC Dude:  With people right now.

I couldn't believe it. Yes, I was disappointed that he had to cancel, but he said this to me in a text?  He had time to go to church, but didn't have time to make a two minute call to me?  That would have been the right thing to do, because it had been 10 days since I last heard from him!

4:08pm

Carrie:  We need to talk about this.  What time is good for you?

He didn't reply and, at that point, all I can say is thank God for girlfriends, because reality was coming crashing down on me, and fast.  Thankfully, when I got his text I just so happened to be on the phone with Beth.  She always had a way of putting things in perspective, "A guy that really likes you Carrie, would at least have the decency to call you."

Right after I hung up with Beth, Brigitte called and invited me over for dinner.  It was perfect timing, and exactly what I needed at that moment: Baby-time with Graeson, a home-cooked meal and Martinis!

How cute is Graeson?!

Around 9:00pm I checked my cell phone and DC Dude still had not responded.  

Carrie:  I'm not going to assume anything, but I can speak for myself:  That hurt.  A lot.  There was a time when you were really excited about me.  I don't know what happened, but you have lost it, which is OK - except we have been carrying on now for almost 1.5 years.  I said how I felt about you.  If you don't feel the same - that's OK.  But, the right thing would have been to not lead me on - like I said before, I was into you for all the right reasons and put my best foot forward with an open heart.  If you like me, well, you just don't show it.  And, by canceling on me via text...well that's just crap - I deserve at least a phone call.  You don't have to say anything - because you already said it, by not calling and not returning my texts for well over a week now.  I can't do this.  I thought you would at least be honest with me and give me the courtesy of calling.  I deserved at least that.

DC Dude:  Hey drama queen.  Hold the bullshit until I'm done working!  Jesus, I just got back from being away with my father in FL for 11 days!!!!  AFTER a hellacious 5 months creating this company.  Goddammit get off yourself and realize I WAS being honest.  HOLY SHIT - RELAX and be patient, please.

Oh. My. God.  Did he just call me a drama queen and tell me to get over myself?  MYSELF?  I haven't heard from him in 10 days...and he's telling me to get over myself

Myself?!

For a minute, I was Tom Hanks in "The Money Pit"...


Wow, he really knew how to nurture a relationship!  Clearly, he was callous with my feelings...

Carrie:  Get over myself?  Drama queen?  Really?  Wow...this just keeps getting better with you.

DC Dude:  Yes, because you know me better.  Just be understanding and patient, please.  I had to miss a meeting in NC this afternoon b/c I was so damn busy I could not leave.

Carrie:  You don't talk to me. You don't call me.  You don't return my texts...what do you expect?  I'm not a mind reader and I'm not there to see what is going on.  I can be patient.  I think I have been patient.  I don't think I have asked for too much from you - just common courtesy and honesty.  You were away on vacation for 11 days and you didn't call me once.  And then you cancel?  Tell me, what am I supposed to think?

Again, he didn't reply.

It was getting late, I said good-bye to Graeson and Brigitte and drove home listening to Kings of Leon - on full blast no less. I was pissed.  I was hurt.  I was done being patient, and giving him the benefit of the doubt.  Where was the consideration for my feelings?

I asked myself if my brother, Nathan, would be OK with DC Dude treating me this way? I knew the answer: "Hell, no!"  Again, it wasn't the fact that DC Dude was canceling on me...it was how he handled himself that spoke volumes.  No guy who cared about me would go on vacation for 11 days without wanting to talk to me. I didn't even know he was going on vacation!

Where was the reassurance that everything was OK with us? Something was up and I assumed it was fear-based, which prevented him from understanding how his in-actions were hurting my feelings...again!  If this was a taste of how things were yet to come, if this was how he handled himself in stressful times, then I wanted out. Not only was the writing on the wall, but it was lit up in neon lights just like Time Square on New Year's Eve! 

It was time.



10:25pm

Carrie:  Look, I know you "like" me, but I'm "in like" with you, which is far beyond the definition of just "like."  Call me a drama queen, but really if you were dying to see me you would have made it happen.  I don't know what your deal is...this all sounds like excuses to me.  So, I call bullshit.  I think you are just fucking afraid.  A-F-R-A-I-D, mother fucker! (swearing intentional!) That's the truth...I just needed YOU to say it.

10:45pm


Carrie:  *raising middle finger*  And that's for making me cry.  I'm done.
 

I didn't hear anything back from DC Dude that night, but Nathan chimed in via text while I was in the middle of my melt-down.

Nathan:  So, DC Dude blew you off?  Men.  Can't live with 'em.  Can't perform complicated brain surgery replacing 64.5% of the brain and replacing it with a programmable chip.

Carrie:  He apologized and asked me to be patient.  Really?  What does that mean?  He was just on vacation for 11 days and didn't call me.  WTH?  Don't you think I deserve better?  I mean, even The Senator treats me better than that.  When The Senator picks me up, he comes to the door.  And when he drops me off, he always asks if he can walk me to the door...and DC Dude can't even call me to say he has to cancel?

Nathan:  Sounds bad.  If you want the answer to the question of what do I think?  If he was dying to be with you, he would show it.  He's not showing it.  Also, the chase, Carrie!  You gotta think of the chase!  Don't make yourself so available.

Carrie:  I did for the last YEAR!  That didn't work either...and if someone has to play games, then they are only in it for the games.  I want something REAL.

Nathan:  Ya gotta act like every guy means pretty much nothing until he does a back-flip off a 60-story building with flowers and chocolates in his hands.  They are not games. Just sorting out the weak.  You wanna mate with the lions, not the cubs.

Carrie:  The weak play games.  The strong are honest with their feelings.  I put mine out on the table a month ago!  Screw him if he can't deal.  He was a lot like MG...  Maybe that was a red flag right there.

Nathan:  Yip.  Could be!

Carrie:  They can both suck it for making me cry!  Boys suck, Nathan.

Nathan:  Yup.  They do.

Carrie:  That selfish prick doesn't even acknowledge my feelings AND he made me cry? Oh, I don't think so!  I'm so done with him!

NEXT!!!

And what was I supposed to do with a canceled R/T ticket to DC?  Exchange it for a 10-day trip to Florida with Beth, of course!!!!!

And, the hopeless romantic in me says that love isn't supposed to be this difficult! Love isn't supposed to leave me hanging or guessing. Love is supposed to make me feel confident - and DC Dude...well, we all know how he made me feel.

At least Keith knows how to love someone...



Thursday, May 19, 2011

Just Call Me Angela!

It's St. Patrick's Day, and my very first time venturing out to a bar to celebrate the holiday - I know, and here I am Irish as the day is long! 

I'm in New Hampshire for a family visit, so I decided to go into my favorite bar The Shaskeen!  




I'm feeling good; I've got my kelly green sweater on and I'm wearing my uber-sexy, kitty-kitty, meow-meow boots with my jeans tucked into them.  I always get complimented on those boots, plus they make me about 6'2".  It's hard to miss me in a crowd!  And, they definitely put a little swagger back into my walk.


*MEOW!*

Seeing this was my first St. Patrick's Day going to a bar, I wasn't quite sure exactly what to expect but at 4:30pm, as I was trying to park my car, I began to notice a lot of people already doing the bar crawl dressed in their green outfits and staggering drunk.  I thought better them, than me!

I walk into the bar alone knowing that at some point I would probably bump into someone I knew. And, just as expected, right when I walk in I spot my cousin, Kristin, and her boyfriend.  We chat up a storm and who comes in next, but my Auntie Holly and Uncle Dave. I'm so deliriously happy to see them...and I'm drinking beer!!!

Next, my cousin, Lizzie, walks over to me and gives me a big hug.  It was surreal, because we had been trying to meet up with each other for the last a couple years, but the timing was always off.  It's a long story, but this was our first time meeting each other - ever!





Somehow, the hours were flying by. Alcohol, I have learned, makes me a little chatty and fiery - if that's possible.  I'm really enjoying myself, and over-joyed to be hanging with my family.  They rock!

At one point, I remember a tall guy joining our little gathering at the corner of the bar.  I didn't really notice him at first, and I can't remember if I was introduced to him or not, but from the looks of it, he apparently knew my cousin, Kristen.  My feet were getting tired, so I decided to take a little break and sit down.

Sipping my beer (I was well onto my 2nd pint!) and listening to a conversation that Uncle Dave was having with the two guys sitting next to us, my Auntie Holly comes over to me all excited and wide-eyed.

"Carrie....Carrie!  Don't you know who that is?" she said pointing to the guy talking to Kristen.

I lean to my left and looked around my aunt's shoulder to get a better look.


"Uhm...no..I don't recognize him.  Should I?"

"You don't recognize him? Carrie! You don't recognize him?"

I look at my auntie with a blank look on my face, "Seriously, I don't recognize him."

"Carrie!  It's Rugby Dude!  You know...Rugby Dude who ate off your plate?!"

In my slight beer fog, it finally dawned on me exactly who this tall good-looking guy was talking to Kristen.

"Holy crap! That's Rugby Dude???" My auntie's face lit up as she vigorously nodded her head in agreement.

I immediately stood up, practically pushed my auntie aside, and strutted my 6'2" self on over to Rugby Dude, interrupted his conversation with Kristen and proclaimed, "Now I remember you!"

Like a deer-in-the-headlights, Rugby Dude looked at me and then over to my aunt, "Did she just have to remind you who I was...because, look, I'm really sorry about that night.  I was really drunk..."

Oh, he was drunk that night alright!  

It was three years ago...

I was out with my friend, Lisa, who I had not seen in 10 years or so.  I was excited to catch up with her over dinner at The Wild Rover.  Nathan, my brother, was the bartender there that night, so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone.

Lisa and I sat in the restaurant area of the bar. We both ordered the pumpkin ravioli, which I had been craving all week. I was starving, so when the waitress came by with our food, I was ready to eat!  I put my napkin in my lap and looked up to find a tall, good-looking, sweaty guy standing at our table.  I think I remember saying hello to him and then giving him a look like can I help you?  He was staring at my scrumptious plate of pumpkin ravioli and then took it upon himself to help himself to one of the ravioli's!  With his hand!

"Seriously?!"  

I pushed the plate towards him, "Honey, you can have the whole thing."  

At the time, I didn't know, or care, who he was and clearly, he didn't know who I was. But it didn't matter who I was - rude is rude!

"Really?" as he chewed my food.

"Really. It's all yours," I said sarcastically.

As he walked away with my plate, my attention went back to Lisa who was sitting across from me in shock.  

Trust me, it took all I had not to chase after him, grab my pumpkin ravioli and dump it all over his head. And then, top it all off by giving him my best flying elbow. 




Fortunately for him that stupid thing in my head called my conscience chimed in and reminded me that I didn't want to known around town as "Nate's sister - who clocked a guy for eating off her plate."

Although, it did have a nice ring to it...

Instead, I thought it would be best to let my big brother do my dirty work for me.   

*DING!*

If you want to be treated like a lady, you have to act like one. 

*DING! DING!*

Instead of clobbering dude, I let Nathan handle it. Oh, and believe me, he wasn't happy when I told him what had just happened because, apparently, that "dude" was one of the rugby guys that frequented the bar all the time and his team brought in a lot of business.

I knew that wasn't going to matter to Nathan.  Because "sister" trumps "rugby player,"  Someone was about to get kicked out!

Fast forward to St. Patrick's Day three years later...

"You're the guy who ate off my plate!"

"Did your aunt just tell you who I am?"

Nodding my head up and down and staring at him with fire in my eyes I said, "Oh, yes she did!  I didn't recognize you.  You looked different back then.  Your hair was shorter and blonder, and you were looking like a sweaty, hot mess that night."

"Listen, I'm really sorry about that night.  I didn't know who you were, and I guess that was my way of flirting with you."

"Flirting? I'm surprised that that you even remember that night because you were tanked!  You didn't even have your shoes on.  And, you were in a bar!"

"It was my birthday, and we had just won a game...I was drunk, but I do remember everything."

"Yes you were!  Nathan was so angry with you!  I've only seen him that angry twice in my life.  Once, was Halloween, when someone grabbed my super-hero ass, and the other time was when you ate off my plate!"

Rugby Dude got kicked out immediately that night. He said that he felt so bad about the incident that he didn't show his face in the bar for a month.

Big whoop.  A whole month?  Hell, if he really felt that bad it should have been for at least six months...


Rugby Dude seemed like a nice guy while we were talking, but the whole time I kept hearing my auntie's voice in my head reminding me that he was a bad boy and to stay away from him.  She would know because not only did he go out with Kristen a few times, but also one of Kristen's friends - and the rumor was...he was not a nice guy to date.  So, I was all set - I didn't even have the desire to entertain the thought of going out with him until I, at one point, in our conversation, touched his arm and all reasonable and responsible thoughts went out of my head!


*ZING!*

Instead, they were replaced with the thought that maybe the Dating Gods had answered my prayers!  Underneath those clothes, I imagined his body was similar to my dream boat, Alexander Scarsgard...



*SWOON!*

At 8:00pm, my friend Rachel walked in and my family left.  As they were leaving, Aunt Holly gave me another warning to stay away from Rugby Dude.  I smiled and assured her that I would.

Now, let me give you a little back-ground on Miss Rachel.  Rachel eats men up and spits them out and then wipes her feet on whatever is left of them.  And guys love it. She is a professional at verbal lashings and ball busting - so I figured that maybe Rugby Dude just needed someone more like Rachel to put him in his place. I immediately introduce them.  

Shaking her hand he looks at me and asked, "Does she know, too?"

"Of course she does!"  I said with a big smile on my face.

The evening carried on and Rachel and I had a great time talking and flirting with the other patrons at the bar.  But it was obvious that the both of us had the hots for Rugby Dude.

I have to hand it to Rachel - if a guy is a dirt bag they'd better watch out, because she will treat them like the piece of sh*t they are, and have no qualms about it.  I was secretly hoping that Rugby Dude would go for Rachel and take the heat off of me.  Nathan was bartending and watching me talk to Rugby Dude.  I had been drinking, so even though I knew he was a bad boy, and I got specific instruction to stay away from him, I was definitely feeling attracted to him.  How could I not?  He was my type - minus the bad boy part, of course.  He was about 6'3, handsome, clean cut, athletic and wearing a button down shirt and slacks like he just came from the office.  Oh, and he was from Texas and still had a bit of an accent...and you know what they say about guys from Texas!

*starts to purr* 

But then, I remembered the most important thing of all:  The Rules!  

Specifically, Rule #2 - Nathan and I do not date each others friends.  (Dammit!)  that rule really isn't fair, because he is like the mayor - he knows everyone in town.


Then, I noticed Rugby Dude and Rachel talking on the other side of the bar.  I thought for sure I now wouldn't have to worry about the rules or fight off the lusty thoughts I was starting to have for him!  That worked until Rachel came back over to where I was standing at the bar.  She was laughing hysterically.

"You are not going to believe this!  He thought your name was Angela!  Oh, my God! He was talking the whole time about Angela and I was like, who? And he said, you know, Nathan's sister.  And I said, you mean, CARRIE?!  Girl, it was so funny, because then he asked if I was going to tell you he got your name wrong, and I said, oh definitely!"

I told you she was a ball-buster.

(Again, Beth is my proofreader - she occasionally leaves funny comments in pink caps - they were too funny to delete.)

Boys! Are they that clueless? Do they really think that they can act and treat women however they want to without any repercussions?  Clearly, he was really loaded that night he ate off my plate because there's drunk...and then there's tanked!  (STICKY FINGERS IN A STRANGERS FOOD....EWWWW!) On top of that, then he's got a really bad reputation with women per my auntie, cousin and big brother - (FAMILY CONSENSUS!)  (AND...THE ICING ON HIS CAKE...IF HE REALLY GAVE A DINGDANGDOODLE ABOUT ANY OF THE ABOVE, HE'D KNOW YOUR NAME...IT WOULD BE BLAZED INTO HIS GREY MATTER...RIGHT ALONG WITH HIS FAVORITE MOVIE LINE AND THE SIZE OF NATHAN'S FIST.)  Did my name really escape him?  Really?  A class act, I tell you!
 
LESSON LEARNED:  Handsome as hell, does not trump train-wreck.

NEXT!!!!!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Beef Cake: Part 3 - "The Email"

(Continued from Beef Cake: Part 2) 

Today, I received an email from Beef Cake.  It wasn't a very nice email.  You could say he's a little pissed off and upset. (I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see this one coming.)

Two weeks after we first met, I broke up with Beef Cake and I thought I did it gracefully and showed him, and the relationship, respect by actually telling him I wanted out.  I didn’t pull the no-call routine or send him a break-up text.  I was upfront and did it over the phone.  He wasn’t happy with the news and, naturally, he wanted to know my reasons for the break up, so I told him.

“Once I saw how the three most important females in your life treated you like a doormat, any attraction I had for you and/or respect went flying out the window.  I’ve had two weeks since we met to really think about this, but my feelings on your home life haven’t changed and I really don’t want to be a part of it.  I’m really sorry.”

Here’s my mistake – what I should have said was, “Hey, I’m just not feeling the chemistry after spending three days with you,” instead, I placed the blame on his baby mama drama.

Here’s his mistake - when someone says they don’t want to be involved with you anymore, believe them.  The person has made up their mind, it’s not up for discussion and the best thing to do is not to question it, and just move on.

And now, I’m mad at myself, because I ignored something after the first week of correspondence with him.

Beef Cake and I had been emailing each other every day for about a week.  We still had not spoken on the phone yet.  One day he sent me a video of his daughter, which I thought was really cute, until I turned up the volume and heard his voice for the very first time.

“Oh, my God…Beth!”

I was so upset that I ran downstairs to show her the video to get her opinion.  I plop my laptop down on kitchen bar, “Beth!  Watch this video from Beef Cake and tell me he doesn’t have a high pitched voice!”

(As a side-note, I live with Beth and she proofs my work.  Her comments on this blog were too funny, so I left them - they are the ones in pink caps.)

Beth watched the video and said I was being silly and that I needed to give him a chance because I had told her he was a really nice guy so far.  She thought that disqualifying him for something so silly was ridiculous.  (PS - BETH STILL THINKS THAT'S TRUE!!) 

But remember The Architect?  She said that about him, too and, well, we all know how that turned out. (I'M STOPPING W/ THE ADVICE! :)  The Architect was also a “nice guy” who looked good on paper.  But, after meeting him, I knew the chemistry wasn’t there.  But, my dear friend, Beth, (I MAY NOT BE THAT FOR LONG AT THIS RATE) convinced me that I needed to give The Architect another date.  Her theory is that you can’t tell whether or not you like someone after just one date.  (MY THEORY IS PEOPLE WILL SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE ON THE FIRST DATE - IF YOUR PAYING ATTENTION. AND SOMETIMES....THE FROG REALLY IS THE PRINCE.) 

And now here she was telling me to do the same thing with Beef Cake. He did have a great body and sexy tattoos, but doesn’t squeaky voice trump great body with tattoos?

I even rewound the video to make sure I wasn’t hearing things.  Nope, I heard it right the first time.  He did not have a manly-man voice. The truth is, I thought Beef Cake sounded like Mike Tyson.

*smacks head*


No matter how much I tried to see his other great qualities, I just couldn’t get past the the voice thing.

And, while I’m picking him apart...why not throw in the fact that I didn’t like his smile either.  No wonder he never smiled in his photographs! 

Funny smile trumps great body, right?  How do I describe his smile?  It was something like this:


Or, think Fire Marshall Bill from In Living Color - but minus the wonky eye.

 Fire Marshall Bill

See?  All wrong!  I should have quit while I was ahead.

And, yes, let’s not make any mistake here; I’m not going to hide the fact that I spent three days with him. He was great.  He treated me like a princess, but I just wasn’t that excited to see him again.

So now, here we have Beef Cake - a classic dating scenario.  He got dumped and instead of accepting it and respecting my wishes, he has to take some jabs at me and point out my short-comings:

"I think that one of the things that bothers me the most about this situation, is your stunning lack of resilience…In a relationship, if two people care about each other, they take the good with the bad and try and help their significant others grow as a human beings….You never even gave me a chance to demonstrate my ability to accurately react to and rectify the situation, which you obviously found so repugnant that you were willing to write me off completely...If you can't understand where my sudden interest in a member of the opposite sex might cause some upheaval, just because of its notably hitherto significant absence, then I submit that there is some shortsightedness and inflexibility in your general perspective on male/female relationships."

OK, bring it.  Dump whatever you have to on me.  I don’t care, because bottom line, I just wasn’t that into you and your baby mama drama just exacerbated the situation.
That’s what I should have said, but instead I skipped part “A” and just put the emphasis on part “B”. I was hoping to use his baby mama drama as a scapegoat, and leave it at that. But now I see where that got me.  I didn't take my own advice and just tell him the real truth.

Normally, I would ignore his email and stick with the everyday "No Answer is Your Answer" rule. But, I don't think that is right.  Leaving him hanging would not be good Karma and giving it to him straight would be.   Just because I wasn't into him, didn't give me the right to dump on him.  I needed to be firm but straight-forward with him.

Honesty can sting like a bitch, but it’s something that I can wrap my head around.  Not into me?  OK, I get that, because I’ve been there myself.  Guys have dumped me for lack of chemistry, too.  But, I get it and it's OK!

It doesn't matter how good looking you are or how much money you have.  I’ve turned down the most handsome guys and I've turned down some very rich guys before, because I didn’t feel the chemistry.  Even when my girlfriends pleaded with me to “take one for the team,” I just couldn't!  But, oh, it would have been fun to have the peaks of this guy's five homes, Learjet and celebrity-ridden neighborhood in Malibu. Again, I just couldn’t.  I need to feel a connection with someone on an emotional, spiritual and physical level. I had it once before and it's powerful! I would have done anything for that guy, so Beef Cake’s remarks are baseless and he can kiss my foot!

Oh, and one more thing: Beef Cake didn’t make me laugh.  He did a great job at doting on me and, at times, I felt spoiled.  It was nice for a while, but laughter is where it’s at!  I come from a family where all we do is laugh – at everything and anything.   We’re animated, fun, witty, and so are my friends.  So, why would I choose a man that doesn’t possess the same qualities?

I just read Dr. Laura's The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (which I loved) and she puts the emphasis on the fact that women like to beat around the bush and that guys don't read between the lines. So, I took her advice and responded to Beef Cake's email and just gave it to him straight:

"I have every right to make the decision not to be involved in such dysfunction.  Had we been in love and in a long-term relationship, yes, I would have put in more time, but let me remind you that we just met.

Bottom line, we were pen-pals for four weeks and then phone-pals for two weeks.  We met and, for me, the chemistry wasn't strong enough in person to pursue anything further with you.  It's like the girl who told you she had Herpes.  Why didn't you stay with her?  There are many couples who live with one partner having Herpes - or did you bail because of your 'stunning lack of resilience'? 

You see, we all have our deal breakers.  You have a lot more baggage than you lead me to believe.  It probably doesn't even seem like "baggage" to you, because you have been dealing with it for so long, but for a new person to step in and see all the bullshit you put up with from the three women in your life...again, why would anyone want to sign up for that?

Look, we tried.  We met, we both had a nice time - but unfortunately, it didn't work out.  Let's just move on.
"

LESSON LEARNED:  No matter what, I owe it to the other person to be blatantly honest. Nobody likes to be left wondering what happened and nobody reads between the lines.  I'm an adult and if I can't say how I truly feel about the other person, then I don't have any business dating.

NEXT!