DC Dude: Part 5 - "Where Is Your Heart?"

(continued from DC Dude: Part 4)

I had just come back from a 3-day date with Beef Cake.  We had just met for the first time after a successful six-week courtship - everyone was rooting for him, including myself, and here I was texting DC Dude.  

I thought for sure I would be going straight to Hell for this one... 

It happened to be a Sunday and, after years of being single, Sundays had always been the hardest day of the week for me.  I always felt Sunday should be spent lounging around in bed all day long with someone you love - getting up only to have coffee, read the paper, or go meet up with friends for brunch.

And, guess who I imagined doing this with...I hate to break the news, but it wasn't Beef Cake.  His "BMD" (baby mama drama) killed any, and all, attraction I had for him.  The truth was, I missed DC Dude.  His last text to me read, "We need a weekend together.  Miss ya." I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it, but Beef Cake was in the picture, so I ignored DC Dude's text.  (Well, I was a little miffed at the fact that DC Dude's track record was to show up and then leave me hanging.  We'd be in contact for a few days then nothing for weeks.  That didn't work for me.)

Now with DC Dude in my mind, I stood there in the kitchen wallowing in my own thoughts.  I couldn't ignore the giant, pink elephant standing in the room, anymore.  It was Sunday, I was alone.

If you want the same, do the same.  If you want different, then do different.

I scrolled through my messages until I found DC Dude's last text he had sent weeks before and re-read it again. I figured I had nothing to lose, and everything to gain.  Before I could change my mind, I had quickly typed up a text and sent it to him.

DC Dude:  17-day time delay.  LOL.  Nice!  :)

Carrie:  Oh, stop it.  Your track record is far worse!!!  :)

DC Dude:  Justified.

Carrie:  Priorities.

DC Dude:  Kiss my ass, priorities.  You miss me.  Admit it. 

Damn him...that...prick!  Yes, I missed him.

But instead of being honest I, instead, decided to play it cool.

Carrie:  Think of you, yes.  Miss you...?

DC Dude:  LMAO.  You're full of positivity this morning...

Carrie:  What?!  I'm Positive F*cking Pollyanna....kiss my foot.

DC Dude:  Rather kiss your you-know-what.  For hours.  :)

He was too quick to turn it to a sexual subject: Typical guy.  Well, Beef Cake had to work for that.  He put in his time and made me feel secure.   I knew he wasn't going anywhere - unlike Mr. "Disappearing Act" DC Dude.  The last time I saw DC Dude was in September.  It was now February!

February, that's five...f-i-v-e...months later. 

October...


November...


December...


January...


February...

The last time I had spoken to him was in December.  Again, it's now February!

To me, that's sending mixed signals.  I knew he liked me, but why was it so hard for him to keep in touch?

I had to put things in perspective...

Carrie:  Our priorities are different.  I can't understand yours, and you can't understand mine.  Simple.

DC Dude:  OK.

OK?

Carrie:  Don't take my bluntness as being negative, please.  I just have a firm grip on reality.  I'm nobody's "after thought."  You should know that...c'mon.

DC Dude: OK.

He was pissing me off.  I get an "OK," again?  This was a guy who was very charismatic and who could sell paint off a wall, and he didn't have anything more to say other than just "OK"?  

That's crap!

Carrie:  We both know I deserve better - more.  As for you, and I say this from a loving place, because I care about you - you get what you give.  It's not a slam.  I just think your expectations are off...at least with me they are.  And lastly...texting?????  Really?  Priorities.

DC Dude:  OK

Speechless, pissed, irritated...it was useless...

And then, while I'm trying to not lose it, who chimes in?

BEEF CAKE:  Hi, Kitten!  I'm cleaning the downstairs and I just wanted you to know that, as I go about my day, whatever I might be doing, you are very close to my thoughts.  :)

Why couldn't DC Dude just be more like Beef Cake? 

Why couldn't Beef Cake be more like DC Dude?

Hmmmm...if I could only combine the two guys into one...

I felt that DC Dude didn't leave me anything to work with, and I didn't own a crowbar to break through his wall, so I went about my day, and tried to forget about him, and how very frustrated he made me feel.  

Five hours later, even after discussing the whole thing with Beth, I was still feeling frustrated with DC Dude.  I decided to not holding back anymore and I was going to go for broke.

And, not in the nice way...

Carrie:  See?  I don't even know who you are anymore.  You easily shut down.  No discourse.  The guy I remembered clearly doesn't exist anymore.  And yes, I do miss him.

DC Dude:  What?  I just don't give a shit.  You're right.

Carrie:  There is no more friendship.  It faded a long time ago because we didn't build on the foundation of what we started.  You dropped off.  We are left with two people who are attracted to each other, and that's it.  I'm 40.  Not some 20-something year old girl who gets excited whenever a guy pays attention to me.

DC Dude:  I'm 35.

Carrie:  Why you have kept coming around is beyond me.  If you are looking for a hook-up, you should fish in local waters.

DC Dude:  You live 4 states away.  That's a bit ridiculous for a simple hook-up.  Please spare me.

Carrie:  I liked you for all the right reasons, and I just get treated like an after thought.  It's unacceptable, and really I expected better from you.  You don't get it, because, if you did, you would have done better by me.  I deserve better.

DC Dude:  OK.  You're right.

Carrie:  Then what?!  What do you want?????

I sat there in Red Rocket, parked in front of Home Depot, freezing my ass off...waiting...waiting for him to finally say something - to say anything.

Say something!

But, he didn't.

*Big lip*

Why is this so difficult?!

I couldn't do it anymore.  He had to know he just couldn't randomly pop up out of nowhere and expect that I would greet him with open arms.  This is not OK. We had been doing this for over a year now.   

How could he not know that every time he disappeared, it hurt my feelings?     

I had to bite the bullet, and just do what was right for me.

Carrie:  If you don't have the ability to say it; if you can't be an adult and just be honest with me, and most of all, be the guy I deserve, then please just leave me the FUCK alone!!

DC Dude:  OK.

Why couldn't he just step up?  

Why couldn't he just say what we both already knew?  

*grabs tissue and dry eyes* 

Beef Cake: Part 2 / DC Dude: Part 4

(Continued from Beef Cake: Part 1)

It was a beautiful day, driving towards the Berkshire Mountains.  The sun was out and the sky was crystal clear – not a cloud anywhere.   Everything looked pristine.  The sun was really warm and bright, hanging high in the sky - so much that I even cracked open Red Rocket's sunroof.  Snow was still on the ground and blanketed the rolling hills that seemed to go on forever; it was truly a perfect day.

I’m nervous – nervous and anxious.  The butterflies in my stomach that had been there for the past three days have now managed to flutter up into my throat. My emotions are over-load, with too many thoughts  running through my head.

Doubt and fear of being disappointed, once again, have made it's way into  my head.  Have I trumped up this image of Beef Cake in my head?  Am I getting my hopes up too high?  I’ve seen his pictures, I’ve spent hours on the phone with him, but something is bothering me.  I’ve seen this scenario before…I’m scared this won’t work.  Is he too good to be true – or am I just over analyzing it?

Over the last few years, I have become very conscious of who I let into my life. I'm not going to go for someone who doesn't get me, and I certainly am not going to date someone simply to have someone in my life.  Being single isn't all that bad, and I'd rather be single than date someone who is not right for me.  I'm certain of that, so I’m trying to go for the right guy – Beef Cake treats me the way I deserve to be treated. 

I’m determined to keep my eye on the prize. I’ve done everything right.  I’m taking my time, I’m staying focused. So then why, in God’s name, am I thinking about the texts I received two weeks ago from someone else?!

I’m clutching the steering wheel with both hands out of frustration.  I swear ,I need my head examined.  I'm a horrible person for letting my thoughts stray.  I'm about to meet Beef Cake for the first time and yet here I am thinking about texts that I deliberately ignored...

Damn you, DC Dude!  You have horrible timing.

What’s wrong with me?  More importantly, what’s wrong with DC Dude?  It’s February and we are still doing this!!  We are still playing this stupid cat-and-mouse game.  We are pathetic!  I'm pathetic! He let nine months go by before DC Dude decided to show up out of nowhere and ended up spending a night together. I'm pretty sure he was just as surprised as I was that his friend's parents he agreed to help move lived up the street from me.

Yes, you read that right.  DC Dude lives 250 miles away in Washington, DC and he ends up a half mile away from my house.  Literally.  Up the street.

Coincidence? 

My intuition says, "no."

He shows up in the middle of the night, and we were so happy to see each other, but then what does he do?  

He disappears....again! 

No call.

No text.

No nothing.

Like Becky says, that’s bad form!  Thank God I didn't have sex with him, because it would have made me feel like I was being used for a hook-up.

*crowd boo's*

And so my intuition was right.  I felt bad I didn't hear from him, but I would have felt worse had I given up my "Penis Free" status that night.

And, to continue on with the dysfunction that we are so good at (yes, I do take some of the blame) three weeks before his birthday I was wondering if I should call him on his birthday or not. His birthday was at the beginning of December and it would be a good excuse to contact him.  He was on my brain.

Do I call?

Do I not call?
 

Do I call?

Do I not call? 

Birthdays are special – show him you care.  Don’t text, just call.  You would want him to call you on your birthday.

So, I called and he answered saying, “I was just recently thinking about you.”

It was good to hear his voice again.  (I always loved the sound of his deep, masculine voice.)  We spoke for ten minutes and from there the conversations continued for about a week and a half; some by text, some by phone, but in the end I got the same result:

He disappeared...again.

And, again...I stopped trying.

I'm discouraged, disgusted, disappointed, sad and tired. It shouldn't be this difficult. So, I inquired with a few  of the chicks in the Hen House that best know me, and they agreed that I was still hung up on DC Dude because ...and I quote..."He's the guy you can’t have...and you always like a challenge, Carrie.”

*blink-blink*

I like a guy that intrigues me….there’s a difference you know between a “challenge” and “intrigue.”  One is a lot healthier than the other, no?  I said it a long time ago, I’ll say it again, I need someone who has a little swagger.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.  Besides, there are  definitely a few other guys that I couldn’t have (I know, hard to believe), but I never got hung up on them like this.

Jesus, I just admitted that I’m still hung up on DC Dude.

Mother...

What’s wrong with this picture?! Here I am on my way to meet wonderful Mr. Beef Cake, and I’m thinking about Mr. “Disappearing Act” DC Dude.   I

DC Dude and I, clearly, have unfinished business, and it just frustrates the snot out of me!!!  I know this is life, but I just want to know could we work or not?  But, how can I work with someone who doesn’t communicate with me anymore…and furthermore, do I want someone who disappears into his shell when the doggie poop hits the fan?

*makes mental note and subtracts 25 points*

Only one person is allowed to hide in their shell when things go bad, and that’s me!

So even though I've done my best to move on and invest my time in someone who is willing to put in the effort into a relationship, I couldn't help but to think of the last text...

DC Dude:  We need a weekend together.  Miss ya.

Somebody shoot me, please!  I swear he’s trying to torture me.  Why does DC Dude do this?  

Ignore!  

Ignore!

Someone, please tell me, is this an innate thing that guys have or, is it in a guy’s handbook somewhere that tells you exactly when to disappear and then reappear at the EXACT right moment to drive the tall, red head nutty? I really don’t get it.  Why?  Why now?  No, DC Dude…you don’t get to chime in like that.  You want to see me and you miss me and you say this in a text?

Don't I at least deserve a phone call?  Beef Cake calls all the time...I’m sticking with Beef Cake!

Both hands are still firmly on the steering wheel.  I’m cruising along in 6^th gear through the rolling hills  trying to swallow the butterflies, which are still insisting on flying up into my throat.  I remind myself that I'm about to meet Beef Cake for the first time, but my mind is flip-flopping.  On one hand, I have the wonderful Mr. Beef Cake, and on the other, I have DC Dude still lingering in my head.  It's so wrong, so I reach over to turn up the music hoping to drown out the thoughts in my head. 

We are meeting Beef Cake – you CANNOT be thinking of DC Dude right now!

The drive seems to take forever.  I just need to know.  Is it Beef Cake, or not?  My gut pipes in and I hear it say, “Just enjoy the next three days."

Great! It’s never a good sign when your gut isn’t even giving you encouraging words.  Fine, I’m just going to go with it.  I’m Zen, dammit.  ZEN! 

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…….

Over the last couple of weeks there had been a slow, progressive build-up of sexual tension between me and Beef Cake.  Our conversations were all kept “PG,” but it did come up eventually how long it had been since we both had nookie.  I thought I had gone a long time, but he had gone even longer.  Once we had that conversation, talking about sex was no longer off the table.  We  joked about how obvious it was that people on Plenty of Crap just used the website to hook-up, and we were  both determined not be that couple.

So then why did we book a hotel room for the next three days?!

*crowd gasps*

Yes, I had come to terms with the fact that, if it felt right with Beef Cake, I was willing to bid adieu to my Penis Free status.  Beef Cake was wonderful.  I had found someone who I was attracted to, inside and out, and most important, he was being that guy that I deserved.  We had started a nice friendship, and being the gentleman that he was, he had assured me that whatever happened over the course of the three days, there were no sexual expectations on his part, and he would be happy to just spend time with me.

I finally got to our hotel and park Red Rocket in the parking lot, took a deep breath and sent Beef Cake a text:  “I’m here.”

Beef Cake came out of the front doors and we walked towards each other with a smile on our faces - we were both laughing. He walked up to me and wrapped me in his arms and gave me a big hug.  FINALLY!

(If you have never been in this situation before, then it’s hard to explain how it feels meeting someone for the first time after corresponding with them for a long time.  I knew him, but I didn’t.  It was a little awkward.)

Hand-in-hand we walked inside together and when he opened the door to our candle-lit room, inside was a big, beautiful, pink bouquet of flowers.  “Oh my God, you got me flowers!”

 (My camera on my phone obviously doesn't take good photos, but the flowers were beautiful!)

We sat down on the couch and he handed me a pretty white bag filled with two more boxes of tea, a few more candles, and a pair of earrings, lavender body oil, and a pretty heart-shaped bar of lavender soap all from the same boutique he had bought my care package from.  I was on cloud nine - from the candles, to the flowers, to the thoughtful gifts, he had thought of everything. to make this moment special.  It was perfect.  I was happy.  He had really put in a lot of effort to make sure our meeting didn't feel like a hook-up. He was definitely into me.

*crowd applauds*

It was so nice to finally be face-to-face with a guy that had intrigued me for the last six weeks…six weeks, which in reality felt like an eternity!

Before we met, Beef Cake made it crystal clear that he was off the market.  He even deleted his Plenty of Crap profile (which I never did) and told me that I was the only person he was interested in pursuing.  Big points for him, so being with him was really effortless.  I genuinely liked him.

Our first night together was fun. It had been a long time since I could just really enjoy myself without having to worry about what drove a guy's motivation to be with me.  He was just as nervous as I was and before our meeting and I remember him joking, "Sex is just like riding a bike, right?”  Yes, just like riding a bike, Beef Cake.   And, because we had built our relationship on a foundation of friendship and trust, sex was all that much better.

*DINGGGGGGGGG!*

Ah, buh-bye Penis Free status!!!

Beef Cake made himself transparent and emotionally available, on every level .  He was sweet, kind, considerate, attentive and fun.  Things were going great!

Then it happened...and we were only on day two.  I was feeling loved, appreciated and totally comfortable with Beef Cake and thinking this could really work with him…until his ex-girlfriend, who is the mother of his 8-year old daughter, called and reality quickly set in...

Beef Cake had...

*The crowd gasps with fear*

The volume on his cell phone was up, so I could hear everything the ex-girlfriend (of 10 years) was saying - I mean, yelling.  And by the sound of it, man was she pissed off!

He had told me stories, here and there, about her, so I knew she was a nut job.  Yep, I had no doubt that she was a jealous, self-centered, conniving, ignorant, selfish, self-centered, possibly bi-polar twit. 

For example, one day, Beef Cake had shared with me a recent event. His ex-girlfriend asked him to do her a favor  by dropping off her Vicodin prescription at the drug store. She just got home from the Emergency Room for her “tooth ache,” and couldn't manage to get to the drug store herself.   When Beef Cake got to the pharmacy and handed the prescription to the pharmacist, the woman stopped him from leaving citing that the prescription was fraudulent.  Apparently, his ex-girlfriend took it upon herself to change the dosage from a “1” to a “7”, or something along those lines.

In any event, the dosage was greatly increased, and she was willing to throw Beef Cake under the bus in order to get her drugs.

I could hear everything loud and clear.  The ex was definitely yelling at Beef Cake about something. He was trying to stay calm, but I could tell he was agitated and upset, as I watched him pace the room.  I had warned him before, knowing  full-well that she was going to flip  her cork when he said told her he would be going away for a few days without an explanation.  I knew she would eventually catch on that it was to meet me, so I warned Beef Cake that at some point she would be calling with some sort of "emergency" about his daughter.

Beef Cake was trying hard to not make a scene.  He didn't say much because  she was yelling so much, he couldn't even get a word in - and then like the nut job that she is, she hung up on him! Who does that?  And trust me, this was not some 30-something year old twit.  This was coming from a 45-year old twit!

Oh, and it gets better...

The following morning, his 8-year old daughter did the same thing.

Called, yelled at her father and then hung up on him.

And, later that night, his mother - his own mother, did the same thing to him.

Called, yelled and hung up on him.

And much to my chagrin, he took it. 

And each time I witnessed one of them hanging up on him, my heart sank.

I tried to talk to Beef Cake about his situation, trying to point out to him that all three women in his life had no boundaries and were treating him like he was their door mat.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll just deal with it when I get home.”

The following morning, he called his daughter to wish her a good day at school, but he didn't mention the incident, nor did he  ever discuss it when he got home - because naturally, I asked.

I was starting to realize that he was the parent who didn't want to rock the boat with their own child.  Being liked was more important than being respected.  No discipline, because that might upset her - a recipe for disaster. 

I adored Beef Cake, but now I had no respect for him.

Houston, we have a problem...

A few days later, I’m standing in my kitchen making breakfast.  I had been thinking about my little get-away  with Beef Cake in the Berkshires and contemplating everything.

On the radio John Mayer started to sing a song I was very familiar with...and then, my mind started to wander.


Again.

Not caring about the consequences, and just going with my heart, I grabbed my cell phone, took a quick swig of my coffee, scrolled through my texts, until I found the message I received three weeks before, and typed up my response to DC Dude.

Then, without any hesitation, I pushed the send button...