DC Dude: Part 1

There I was trying to take an honest break from Match.com.  My profile had been hidden for a good week and a half - I'd had enough.  I just wanted to focus on the holidays and spend some quality time with my friends and family.  

I had no time to date, I had plans for the next six weekends in a row!

Six weekends!

In a row!

Who's got time to date?

But, then, in a weak moment, a weak and bored moment, I made my profile visible on Match.com.  And, as usual, I got flooded with emails. 

Only one guy stood out more than the rest:  Great profile - well written (which always scores HUGE points with me), a contagious smile and beautiful blue eyes.

We exchange emails for a day then we quickly graduated to phone calls.

He had a nice manly voice and a strong confident attitude. Things were looking good.  Just one problem: He lived in Washington, DC.

What am I doing???!!!  Washington, DC is definitely geographically undesirable!

But the chemistry was palpable and we just couldn't get enough of each other. We spent hours talking on the phone. Any chance we got, before work, during work or after work; we called each other.  We both felt the chemistry. No bullshit, no games - just straight talk.  

I was hot for DC Dude!

Just after a week on talking on the phone we made plans to meet in person, which meant that I was going to have to cancel one of my weekend plans. Unfortunately, I had to cancel the chick's annual Christmas Party at the Hen House. I felt really bad about not going, but I had to find out if this chemistry between DC Dude and I was real or not, or was it just something that existed just on the phone?

For the next week every morning DC Dude would text me: "Good morning!!! Only six more wake-ups!" sometimes at 5:30AM!  I was so excited that I practically skipped into my office every morning.

Had it not been for his charismatic personality, I probably would have passed him over in a line-up.  He really wasn't my type - but, did I even know what my type was anymore? I had run the gamut....everything except short.

I just can't do short. CAN'T!

He was bald - it didn't matter. 

He was younger than me - it didn't matter. 

He lived 3.5 hours away from me - it didn't matter. 

He had the same name as my ex-boyfriend.....Oh, God that mattered.  

But, I got over it.


DC Dude understood me. He got me. He saw the same things in me that my girlfriends did.  That meant a lot to me.

He gave excellent advice - and loved my blog. Yes, not only did I tell him about my blog, but he read it!  And, you know, I never tell guys about my blog!

He genuinely took an interest in me, which meant a lot and as an avid reader himself, he suggested, "The War of Art," which is now one of my favorite books.


(An excellent read and I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone who struggles with their creative side.)

Reading the first few pages, I knew he had nailed it...he got it. He got me.  I was beside myself.  Damn him.

After devouring the book, it now goes wherever I go - I've even started re-reading it for the second time. I even sleep with the dang book in my bed.  It's my security blanket, my reminder that I am a writer - no matter what.

*Big smile*

Our weekend arrives and I drive the 3.5 hours to DC.  I was nervous.  This could make us, or break us.  The "what if's" were making my head spin, but I had a lot of faith in God.  If it wasn't him, then it will be the next guy.

First night was great - he looked a little different than his photo's, but who doesn't?  Hell - he could have been missing an arm and I wouldn't have noticed. Good people are hard to find, and chemistry is even harder.  I felt I had found both.

The weekend had a good start. He was kind, sweet, considerate - very considerate.  But then, I started to notice he was becoming withdrawn - I was having a hard time talking with him.  Great, I travel 250 miles, spend countless hours on the phone getting to this point and now he's withdrawing? 

I was having a great time. How could he not be happy?  We woke up and it had been snowing outside his Georgetown apartment, as the weather report predicted two feet of snow - a blizzard that would white-out our whole weekend together. How magical is that?!  Everyone knows there's no crying in baseball and you can't be in a bad mood when it's snowing outside!!!!!

(This was the view from his apartment Saturday morning!)

Saturday morning, DC's friend came over, and we decided to go for a walk in the fresh snow, then breakfast.

After breakfast, we took a drive to go see the monuments, which was right down the street from us.  Snow was everywhere - tons of it, and nobody was on the roads because of the blizzard. It was perfect, except for the fact that DC was still being pretty quiet - but holding my hand everywhere we went and remained very considerate helping me over the snow banks when we crossed the street.

We stopped at a local fresh food market to buy Christmas wreaths for DC Dude's apartment windows.  He really wanted to give his neighborhood some Christmas spirit, because, as he had pointed out earlier, there wasn't one single Christmas light, or wreath, anywhere.

We approached a guy selling Christmas trees and wreaths.  DC asked for three wreaths and almost ended up paying $20 each.  I stepped in and haggled with the guy. We got three for $45, instead of $60.  Clearly, something else was on his mind.  Sixty bucks for three wreaths?  What was he thinking?!  (I really wanted to offer the guy $10 each, but I didn't want to look too pushy in front of my date.) 

We put the wreaths into the trunk of the car, then we were off to see the White House!!!! There was probably at least 10" of snow on the ground by then, and it didn't look like it was stopping anytime soon.  I couldn't be happier. I was walking hand-in-hand with a great guy on a beautiful, snowy day.

Next, we stopped at a cheese shop called, The Cowgirl Creamery.

The aroma of this place was to die for.  We sampled a few different kinds of cheese from all over the world. DC bought my favorite, which was a creamy cheese from Holland with chocolate truffle slivers in it.  He bought a nice cheddar.  I was in Heaven.  

Cheese!!!!

Next, we went to CVS to buy the lights and bows for the wreaths, hung them up in the windows, lit some candles and opened the cheese and a bottle of red wine.  I was happier than a pig in poop!!!!

And I thought he was too...

Sunday came, and I couldn't ignore his distance anymore, so I tried to talk to him about it.  He had me thinking, based upon how quiet he was being, that he wasn't into me for some reason.  I was so hurt by this, because I couldn't understand why he wouldn't be into me.

For well over an hour we sat in his living room talking. He said he was being distant because he got some bad news before I arrived for the weekend that he might be losing his job. Monday morning, he would know if he still had a job or not. 

Ouch.

But, really?  So, even though you can't do anything about it right now, you are going to ruin our time together?  

*blink-blink*  

I just drove 250 miles!!!!  I'm here now....I'm present, and you are not!  Shit happens in life - please don't screw this up with me...was all I could think about.

But, he didn't get it.  He looked at me like a deer in the headlights. He was consumed or just not that into me and maybe using this as an excuse. I couldn't tell because he just wouldn't talk to me about and he certainly didn't try to reassure me.

I was feeling unwanted and uncomfortable, and I was about to leave after our conversation, but another one of his friends showed up at his apartment and asked us both to brunch. So, I go, hoping that a little food and a Mimosa might help our situation.

I meet his Sunday brunch friends. They are cool. Much like my girlfriends, but I'm still not feeling the love from him. He's closed off.  Emotionally unavailable. Boy, do I know how to pick them!

I leave right after we eat. He gives me directions and a quick hug and kiss good-bye. I had 3.5 hour drive to think about the whole weekend. I couldn't believe it.  We had a connection. Where did it disappear to?

Tuesday, he called to let me know that he was able to keep his job and I was elated for him.  A big relief.  Great, so what about us?  He still kept his distance over the next few days.  This crushed me.

We went from talking three times a day to zero.  ZERO!  It was really bothering me.

Ironically, my horoscope for the day said, "Instead of pushing for closure now, work at becoming more comfortable with the unknown."  Right!  Sorry, but I'm not good with the "unknown."

The "unknown" was consuming me, and I needed closure, because why would I want to be involved with someone who could easily shut me out - especially in a vital time like this?  How could he not share an important part of his life, like losing his job with me? This wasn't how you treat the girl you like and this is not how you treat a friend. Clearly, I was neither to him.

I went to the Honorable Judge Nathan (my brother) with my dilemma, and even brought it to the High Court of Mom.  However, even with their input, I just felt that he wasn't into me for whatever reason. 

I was crushed.  

*BIG SAD FACE* 

It had been almost a week after I'd seen DC Dude.  I was in New Hampshire for Christmas and had just left my friend Denise's house after having a glass of wine with her. I decided enough was enough.  Enough of this charade and mixed signals!  DC Dude needed to be up front with me.

As soon as I get into Red Rocket I called him - and called him out on it. I told him that if he wasn't into me, then he just needed to be honest with me and let me know. He barely said two words in the conversation and that was enough for me. We said good-bye and that was that.

I disconnect our call and my phone lights up with a text. Oh, my God, it's The Senator!  My wonderful lover, who decided to go get himself a girlfriend.  

(Why do people do that?! We only got to see each other twice!  DAMMIT!)

  *SIGH* 

Senator: "Hey, me and my brother were just at the Wild Rover looking for you."

Really?  Impeccable timing. I'd love to see you. Sounds fun, I'll be down there in 30 minutes.  Hookah bar?  Yes. Save some for me, I'm having a bad night.

So, as my crazy life would have it, I sat there with The Senator and his brother, smoking hookah at a cool new bar.  Yes, I was genuinely happy to see him, and happy that he was happy with his new girlfriend.  I knew she was a better match for him, than I was.  He was a good man and deserved happiness.

I found comfort in The Senator, because he could tell me anything and likewise.  I ended up telling him about DC Dude charade and like anyone who knows me, he was also surprised to hear that DC Dude let me go so easily.

As I sat there getting high off of the hookah and enjoying The Senator's company, I smiled to myself as remembered my brother's advice:

"You gotta treat life as a comedy. 

Getting angry won't get you anywhere.

Laughing however..."

The Supreme Court of Mom

I've learned over the years that whenever I have a problem, or a dilemma, there are various levels of advice.

As with all court systems in the United States, there are different levels.  In the Federal Courts, we have the following:

It's pretty simple. You start at the bottom, and if you don't like the ruling you can appeal and have your case heard by a higher court. The highest court, being the "Supreme Court.”

Key word: “SUPREME.”

I like that.

In my life, there are various levels of courts that I can go through as well.  I've got problems that I can't seem to resolve on my own, but my “cases” are a little different. They are never over a dispute, but rather a dilemma that I feel I need seek out other opinions.

Level #1: “The Independent Judge.”

Depending on the problem, depends on which friend I call. These are friends who are non-judgmental, who know me better than anyone else, and they always give diplomatic opinions. These are my closest girlfriends:  Mary, Beth, and Pam.  Long-time friends, who know me, better than I sometimes know myself. They see things that I usually can't, or in some cases – I don't want to see. Opinions are brief, firm......and on-the-money. 

Level #2: "The Hen House."

When individual opinions are not enough, then it's time to take it to the next higher level:

The Hen House

This is my New Hampshire support team.  No roosters.......just chicks. We all went to school together, so they have known me since my look-alike Peg Bundy days!

(Ya...that's me on the far left....Lisa, Christie, Kelly and Brigitte are missing, but that's basically the crew.) My long-time friends who have been there through the good times and the bad – and unfortunately, there have been a lot of "bad."  Thankfully, that's what they are best at....lifting my spirits, picking me back up, dusting me off, and quickly reminding me of what's really most important in my life…..THEM!

We've been through everything together - boyfriends, marriages, babies, divorces, very drunk nights - and even getting arrested together.

(We were only 17.) 

So, ya...it's like that.

No matter what I may face in life, they have an answer for it. If I lose my job, Justine, Julie and Gail would be quick to find me another one.  If I was broke, Julie would feed me with her home-made cooking. If a boy broke my heart - Christie, Kelly, Denise and Lisa would be quick to remind me that my Mr. Right is still out there - that he’s just right around the corner; it's just a matter of time.

If I was out of town, and my mother was in a full-blown diabetic insulin reaction and needed assistance, Gail and Julie would be racing to her house, getting the orange juice out....or getting ready to pull a "Pulp Fiction" on my Mamma!  (True story by the way.)

Regardless, they are always there to give me support - whether it comes in the form of advice, a shoulder to cry on.

Or, a refill on my Jack & Coke!!! 

Woo-hoo!

But sometimes that’s not enough, and I have to go to the next higher level.  He’s the judge and jury, and I call upon him when it comes to understanding guys. The door to his chambers reads:

The Honorable Nathan (big brother)
Specialty: A Cold Hard Slap of Reality

Nathan gives me the low-down on how guys think. I get the first-hand perspective from a guy's point-of-view.  He's a professional when it comes to removing all emotions from the equation, and just dealing with the cold, hard facts.  Unlike me, who gets her emotions all tangled up in a rat's nest, so much, sometimes, that I can’t even see straight. (Ya, I know.  It’s the Cancer in me….I can’t help it. I was born with high intuition, and I tend to feel more things than most people.  It's not easy being me!)

Here's a recent ruling from Nathan after asking for advice:

You have to treat life as a comedy, not a tragedy. Getting mad doesn’t really get you anywhere. Laughing, however…..

Laughing however......he's got that right.  

Yes, thank you Nathan!  He reminds me of what I already know. That’s Nathan. No fluff…..no fuss. It works for me.

Next level up is my "Supreme Court."

The Supreme Court of Mom

Yep, that's right.  My Mommer has a great judge of character.  It takes a really authentic person to win over my mother.  She calls it, how she sees it - without regard to whether or not her opinion is going to hurt my feelings.  I could be in mid-sentence describing a new boy, and without even meeting the person, she'll say that she doesn't like him.  BAM!

I once dated a guy for 3 years, and she always called him a “sales man,” from day one. She never liked him.  She said he was always trying to sell himself - always trying to impress me, and anyone else who would listen. I didn’t agree with her at the time, but now looking back, I realize that she was dead-on. He ended up pulling the wool over my eyes, breaking my heart, etc.....etc. I won’t go into detail, but at the end, it wasn’t pretty.

Damn, Mamma…..why do you have to be right all the time?

Intuitive…like she’s psychic, or something. She always knows how it’s going to end, if they are going to come back, if I’m going to grow tired of them……and on, and on. She likes to remind me of the theory that “whatever bothers you at the beginning of a relationship is usually the reason why you will break up in the end.”

She’s been right about 95% of the time.

How to Break Up With Me

I have to post this - this is from a year ago from a guy that I was interested in - his name was Christopher.  We had gone out a few times - I knew he was interested in me, but I felt that there was something missing, and I was right.

*Big sigh*

As usual, my gut intuition was right.  Well, at least he didn't pull a dick-move and start avoiding me.  No....he had integrity, one of the things I liked about him.  *smiles*  He was a Free Mason - a Harvard graduate, and very cute, too. One night I got this email from him:

Carrie:

Hmmmmm....I am writing to tell you that I have to stop pursuing a relationship with you. 

I must apologize.  I have been talking with my ex-girlfriend, as it seems that there are still unsettled issues.  I kind of feel like a fool, after all of the conversations we have had about it...but...I do still have strong feelings for her.  It seems they are easy to avoid when you are not talking, and re-surface when you are...

I remember you talking about that self-centered guy, who didn't really care about anyone but himself.  So, I am trying to show you respect by being truthful with you and taking the time to express my feelings.

Carrie, I can't say enough wonderful things about you - you reminded me of a lot of things that were once important to me that I hadn't thought about for quite awhile.  You really are something else.  A real lady - a dying breed.  I am grateful for the time that we spent together, and don't think that I will ever forget you. I hope that you can take the time that we spent together at face value, and understand that it was genuine.

I don't know if you are able to still keep in touch, but I would like to, and would feel lucky to consider you a friend. 

I really did want to call, but I am afraid all of this would not come out the right way! Please understand...

My deepest respect,

Chris

 

So, that was that, and no we did not stay friends.  Glad I could keep him company while he figured out that he was still in love with his girlfriend!  That was my knee-jerk reaction, but I do have to say that it was a nice gesture to stay friends.

Ya.....but no!  I've already got enough friends.....thank...you...very...much!  *Hmph!*  Plus, why would I want to hang around and watch while he and his girlfriend got back together?  I'm a strong woman, but I'm not that strong.  I liked him enough that that would have definitely bothered me - watching them be all happy-happy. I just couldn't do it.

So, the only way I know to "un-like" someone is to wish them well, but end all communication.  Yes, he got a nice email back from me.  A nice, sweet email wishing him well...

So,that was that. Just my luck.  I'll add that one to the many reasons why I'm still single:  He went back to his ex-girlfriend.

Man, I have a way of picking them!

How do we say it girls????

NEXT!!!!!!

Bad Behavior Will Get You Here:

A brilliant idea....I only wish I had created this website!  Guys, all I can say, is that if you are a liar in any way, shape or form - trust me, you'll end up on this website.  Currently, there at 57,000 jerks listed on here.  Heat-breaking as it is, I have actually FOUND a guy I was dating on here. 

JUST MY LUCK! Imagine that. Shit happens to me all the time...and now I can add to the list of things I have experience - finding out that the guy you are in love with, is already married and living a double life!

But when I found out that he had been dating other women at the same time as me, I never felt vengeful towards the other women.  Never - not once.  My anger was towards the liar I was dating, and cut off all ties with him.

But generally, I find that most women will fight over their boyfriend - with the other woman!  Why??? I've never understood that - can't even comprehend their rationality when they find out their husband/boyfriend cheated on them - they get mad at the OTHER girl! 

*smacks head* 

What is that?????  God!  A woman's thinking gets turned upside down and so very twisted in these types of situations.  And I can honestly say that I'm ashamed of my fellow sister for not thinking enough of herself, and clinging to her shitty boyfriend.  Why can't women for one second take a breath, and remove her silly, little head out...of......her.......ass!  I mean, seriously...y'all fight are fighting over a guy who cheated on you, while he just sits back and watches you girls duke it out - knowing one of you will come back.

You anger is being directed at the wrong person.  Let me remind you, this is a guy who just cheated on you - and he should be treated accordingly - like dropped like a bad habit!  You deserve better. Walk away, dust your shoulders off and love yourself enough to not spend anymore time on that lying, cheating bastard.

By fighting over him, you are enabling his bad behavior.  You are REWARDING him, by trying to stay with him.  Don't be that girl.  Move on, sister.  Or, better yet...here's an idea, go get a drinky-poo with the other girl.  Meet her and have dinner, swap stories and have a few laughs over the dirt-bag you just kicked to the curb. You just might make a life-long friend, and everyone - espeically during this volatile time, could use another girlfriend who understands what you are going through, right? 

So, getting back to my little story, I found a guy I was deeply involved with on this website http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/   Believe me, I was utterly devasted when everything came to light.  And, rather than having animosity towards the "other woman,".....oooooh, uhmmmm - let me correct myself here!  Rather than having animosity toward the other WOMEN who were also dating him at the same time I was I, instead, reached out to the others, talked with most of them and discovered that talking it out with everyone involved was a very healing process for me.  It me closure - honesty does that.

Through this dark period of time I noticed that there was one girl who stood out more than the others.  We called and emailed each other all the time, we went out to dinner so we could finally meet, and when we did, we discovered that we had a lot in common, besides the cheater.  

It's been just about over a year that this all happened.  I don't even think about Scott anymore, because all the hurt and pain ended up being over-shadowed by the gift of a loyal and caring friend. Today, I consider her one of my dearest and best friends - and you know who you are, sister! 

You were the light in a very dark situation.  A blessing in disguise!

Love you, girl!

Baby, baby, baby!

When did pet names become used so loosely?  It seems as though in the dating world, people right off the bat start calling me: Babe, Baby, Sweetie and Hon.

I know what you are thinking, you are asking me what's wrong with that.  I should be thankful - they are sweet, endearing pet names.  But remember, I'm in the midst of the dating world, where I've met a lot of guys, and it's just a known fact that everyone has more than one person on their dating roster.

From the get-go, guys will call me everything - but by my name! 

I naturally think the worst before I think the best...so maybe, it's because they don't remember my name?

*laughing*

That would be horrible......but it's a reality!

Yes, THAT could truly be a possibility...you know how guys can be...don't want to screw up a chance with a girl, by accidentally calling her another name!  So, they use the more generic names they can't screw up like: Baby, Babe, Hon.

Seriously, what the Hell?  Isn't anything kept sacred anymore, or preserved for the long, sought-after Holy Grail - the monogamous relationship?

To me, pet names are reserved for the more serious relationship, and they are said with a sweet, sincere and endearing tone.  With guys I've met recently, it just seems as though after ONE date, they are calling me "Babe."

"Hey, Babe I want to see you tonight."

Yuck!  It really turns me off.  Look, I realize that I'm not the only girl they are dating...and to me, it's just kinda sleezey.  Like they are trying to convince me that the relationship is more than what it really is - c'mon! Silly boys......do they really think they can fool this red head?

Writing this, I am reminded of one time when I was dating a guy who was using the usual pets names with me.  We were only on our 3rd date.  We stopped at a store and as we were checking out, he grabs his bag and says to the cashier, "Thanks, Hon." 

Trust me, if I had felt anything for that guy before, I saw it fly out the window at that very second. Call me bajiggity, but I think if you are going to call me "Hon," then don't be calling anyone else that - especially the check-out girl, right in front of me!

So, guys...I think I can speak for most women; when dating, please refain from using pet-names too early - unless you are serious about the girl, because you're not fooling anyone!