DC Dude: Part 6

(Continued from DC Dude: Part 5)

Did you really think that the last blog on DC Dude would be the last?

Well, it's not  - clearly, because here I am...writing...part SIX!

After spending hours writing Part 5, I realized that I had left no room for discourse with DC Dude - I just went at him.  I wasn't asking questions - I just assumed I knew everything and started blasting him.  I came to this realization after writing and re-writing the blog. After I was done editing it, I sounded like a crazy, bitter girl, which I am not. I was just frustrated with his lack of communication.  

I felt horrible for the tone I had used.  Where was the kind, loving girl that my grandmother had raised me to be?  I had no idea what was going on in his world and what did I have to lose by reaching out to him with an apology and telling him how I really felt?  My gut was telling me to go for it.

Carrie:  As hard as I try...

Carrie:  I can't stop thinking about you.  That's the truth.  Yes, I miss you.  And, I shouldn't have come across the way I did - I hope you can understand why - I was just so frustrated with you.

DC Dude:  Good.  Think of you as well.  Forgiven.

Carrie:  LOL...I haven't apologized yet!

Carrie:  I know I should be calling you rather than texting, but I have a hard time actually saying things sometimes.  Scary for me... So I'm going to be a chicken shit and just text you, OK?  First, is this a good time or are you busy?

DC Dude:  Ya ya.  OK.

Carrie:  ...and crappy signal at my mom's house!  Ya!  That's it!  That's why I have to text!

DC Dude:  OK #2

Carrie:  Great...now there's an awful feeling in my stomach and I'm drawing a blank...

DC Dude:  Ugh.  Try counting backwards from 50 to 0.

Carrie:  Hell, I think I'm going to barf.  Watery mouth, etc. ...NO!  Dammit.  I can do this *mumbles expletive*

DC Dude:  The word is "FUCK."

Carrie:  Yes, that "F" word that I try not to use..thank you very much...

Carrie:  There are some things that I'm very confident about...and then there are some things that I'm not.  You have thrown me off so many times, but I keep coming back to what my gut tells me...  For me, to like you on any level is hard, because I feel that you have already rejected me once...and who the "F" does that?

Carrie:  50, 49, 48, 47, 46, 45....

Carrie:  44, 43, 42...

DC Dude:  Enough.

Carrie:  This doesn't work - this counting thing.

DC Dude:  Hell no.

Carrie:  OK, you really need to work on elaborating and use longer sentences.  Using just one or two words can easily be misconstrued.

DC Dude:  Then call.

So I did, and we ended up talking for over an hour.  I finally got it off my chest about how I really felt about him, and that I didn't believe that our September run-in was a coincidence.  I told him that I wasn't looking for meaningless sex; I wanted intimacy. And, in order to have intimacy, I needed chemistry, which I felt that I had with him. I missed him, and our conversations.  And finally, I said I didn't think it was fair to try to date other guys, when I knew I was stuck on him. I proposed that we start over.  

He was definitely surprised at my phone call, because, if you remember, the last thing I said to him was to leave me the *bleep* alone.   At the end of our conversation he told me he would seriously think about everything I had said.  I had read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus before, so I figured he just needed to go into his cave and think about things, although it wasn't the reply I was hoping for.

In my mind, and in my heart, I just wanted to come clean.  I just needed to know - was there real chemistry between us or not?  I knew I wasn't going to find out unless I gave it my best shot and that I laid out all my cards.  I wanted to follow my own advice about getting what you give.  I knew we weren't going to get anywhere unless I showed him I was willing to put some effort in.

After our talk, I switched up my game plan. I started texting less, and calling more. If I wanted to talk to him, I didn't wait for his call; I called him.  I noticed our conversations slowly started to flow again.  He shared with me that after almost a year of struggling financially, he was finally back on his feet again because he had started a new company.  I was genuinely happy for him.

At the end of April, we made plans to see each other. We would do a long weekend together:Thursday to Monday.

But, it seemed as though as soon as I booked my flight, he stopped calling and stopped returning my texts.  Never a good sign.  

Two weeks before my trip, I called to touch base.  He answered the phone and said he was on vacation with his father in Florida.  Oh, really?!  That was news to me. He was standing at a loud bar in the middle of the day and we couldn't hear each other very well, so he said he would call me later in the week.  Really?  Later in the week?  It was only Friday afternoon....

Again, not a good sign.

The week came and went and guess what? No call from DC Dude.  This was not looking good, but I was determined to just keep even-keeled and not jump to conclusions. 


Ten days later, and just a few days before I was scheduled to fly down to see him, I called DC Dude to make sure we were still on. He answered my call sounding flustered and said he would call me back later, as he was walking into church (at 2:00pm on a Monday afternoon?).

And hour later I get this text:

3:07pm

DC Dude:  Carrie, I just can't do it this week dear.  Too much going on right now.  My apologies.

Carrie:  And you tell me this in a text?

DC Dude:  With people right now.

I couldn't believe it. Yes, I was disappointed that he had to cancel, but he said this to me in a text?  He had time to go to church, but didn't have time to make a two minute call to me?  That would have been the right thing to do, because it had been 10 days since I last heard from him!

4:08pm

Carrie:  We need to talk about this.  What time is good for you?

He didn't reply and, at that point, all I can say is thank God for girlfriends, because reality was coming crashing down on me, and fast.  Thankfully, when I got his text I just so happened to be on the phone with Beth.  She always had a way of putting things in perspective, "A guy that really likes you Carrie, would at least have the decency to call you."

Right after I hung up with Beth, Brigitte called and invited me over for dinner.  It was perfect timing, and exactly what I needed at that moment: Baby-time with Graeson, a home-cooked meal and Martinis!

How cute is Graeson?!

Around 9:00pm I checked my cell phone and DC Dude still had not responded.  

Carrie:  I'm not going to assume anything, but I can speak for myself:  That hurt.  A lot.  There was a time when you were really excited about me.  I don't know what happened, but you have lost it, which is OK - except we have been carrying on now for almost 1.5 years.  I said how I felt about you.  If you don't feel the same - that's OK.  But, the right thing would have been to not lead me on - like I said before, I was into you for all the right reasons and put my best foot forward with an open heart.  If you like me, well, you just don't show it.  And, by canceling on me via text...well that's just crap - I deserve at least a phone call.  You don't have to say anything - because you already said it, by not calling and not returning my texts for well over a week now.  I can't do this.  I thought you would at least be honest with me and give me the courtesy of calling.  I deserved at least that.

DC Dude:  Hey drama queen.  Hold the bullshit until I'm done working!  Jesus, I just got back from being away with my father in FL for 11 days!!!!  AFTER a hellacious 5 months creating this company.  Goddammit get off yourself and realize I WAS being honest.  HOLY SHIT - RELAX and be patient, please.

Oh. My. God.  Did he just call me a drama queen and tell me to get over myself?  MYSELF?  I haven't heard from him in 10 days...and he's telling me to get over myself? 

Myself?!

For a minute, I was Tom Hanks in "The Money Pit"...

Wow, he really knew how to nurture a relationship!  Clearly, he was callous with my feelings...

Carrie:  Get over myself?  Drama queen?  Really?  Wow...this just keeps getting better with you.

DC Dude:  Yes, because you know me better.  Just be understanding and patient, please.  I had to miss a meeting in NC this afternoon b/c I was so damn busy I could not leave.

Carrie:  You don't talk to me. You don't call me.  You don't return my texts...what do you expect?  I'm not a mind reader and I'm not there to see what is going on.  I can be patient.  I think I have been patient.  I don't think I have asked for too much from you - just common courtesy and honesty.  You were away on vacation for 11 days and you didn't call me once.  And then you cancel?  Tell me, what am I supposed to think?

Again, he didn't reply.

It was getting late, I said good-bye to Graeson and Brigitte and drove home listening to Kings of Leon - on full blast no less. I was pissed.  I was hurt.  I was done being patient, and giving him the benefit of the doubt.  Where was the consideration for my feelings?

I asked myself if my brother, Nathan, would be OK with DC Dude treating me this way? I knew the answer: "Hell, no!"  Again, it wasn't the fact that DC Dude was canceling on me...it was how he handled himself that spoke volumes.  No guy who cared about me would go on vacation for 11 days without wanting to talk to me. I didn't even know he was going on vacation!

Where was the reassurance that everything was OK with us? Something was up and I assumed it was fear-based, which prevented him from understanding how his in-actions were hurting my feelings...again!  If this was a taste of how things were yet to come, if this was how he handled himself in stressful times, then I wanted out. Not only was the writing on the wall, but it was lit up in neon lights just like Time Square on New Year's Eve! 

It was time.

10:25pm

Carrie:  Look, I know you "like" me, but I'm "in like" with you, which is far beyond the definition of just "like."  Call me a drama queen, but really if you were dying to see me you would have made it happen.  I don't know what your deal is...this all sounds like excuses to me.  So, I call bullshit.  I think you are just fucking afraid.  A-F-R-A-I-D, mother fucker! (swearing intentional!) That's the truth...I just needed YOU to say it.

10:45pm

Carrie:  *raising middle finger*  And that's for making me cry.  I'm done. 

I didn't hear anything back from DC Dude that night, but Nathan chimed in via text while I was in the middle of my melt-down.

Nathan:  So, DC Dude blew you off?  Men.  Can't live with 'em.  Can't perform complicated brain surgery replacing 64.5% of the brain and replacing it with a programmable chip.

Carrie:  He apologized and asked me to be patient.  Really?  What does that mean?  He was just on vacation for 11 days and didn't call me.  WTH?  Don't you think I deserve better?  I mean, even The Senator treats me better than that.  When The Senator picks me up, he comes to the door.  And when he drops me off, he always asks if he can walk me to the door...and DC Dude can't even call me to say he has to cancel?

Nathan:  Sounds bad.  If you want the answer to the question of what do I think?  If he was dying to be with you, he would show it.  He's not showing it.  Also, the chase, Carrie!  You gotta think of the chase!  Don't make yourself so available.

Carrie:  I did for the last YEAR!  That didn't work either...and if someone has to play games, then they are only in it for the games.  I want something REAL.

Nathan:  Ya gotta act like every guy means pretty much nothing until he does a back-flip off a 60-story building with flowers and chocolates in his hands.  They are not games. Just sorting out the weak.  You wanna mate with the lions, not the cubs.

Carrie:  The weak play games.  The strong are honest with their feelings.  I put mine out on the table a month ago!  Screw him if he can't deal.  He was a lot like MG...  Maybe that was a red flag right there.

Nathan:  Yip.  Could be!

Carrie:  They can both suck it for making me cry!  Boys suck, Nathan.

Nathan:  Yup.  They do.

Carrie:  That selfish prick doesn't even acknowledge my feelings AND he made me cry? Oh, I don't think so!  I'm so done with him!

NEXT!!!

And what was I supposed to do with a canceled R/T ticket to DC?  Exchange it for a 10-day trip to Florida with Beth, of course!!!!!

And, the hopeless romantic in me says that love isn't supposed to be this difficult! Love isn't supposed to leave me hanging or guessing. Love is supposed to make me feel confident - and DC Dude...well, we all know how he made me feel.

At least Keith knows how to love someone...