Help! I'm Living in a Williams & Sonoma Catalog!

I live with two gay men, Julio and Anthony. They are both in their early 30’s.  (No, they are not a couple.) We all live in this very large townhouse that Anthony owns. It works out well, mainly because we hardly see each other!

Living here has its perks. The townhouse is nicely decorated and kept in immaculate condition. Sometimes, though, I do feel like I'm living inside a Williams & Sonoma catalog. Everything kept perfectly in place - neat and tidy.

"Neat and tidy" might not give you the over-all picture of what it's like to live here, so let me give you an example. Our kitchen sink has three nozzles:  The goose-neck faucet, soap dispenser and hose.  Every morning when I come downstairs to make coffee, EACH nozzle is facing perfectly forward.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate considerate roommates, but this.....!  And, now I'm doing it!  Whenever I'm done with the sink, I make sure everything is facing forward....yep....

...I've become Julie Roberts in the movie "Sleeping With the Enemy," minus the verbal and physical abuse, of course.

Here's another example: It used to freak me out when the tissue I put in my bathroom waste paper basket, would be gone the following morning. This didn’t happen just once, it’s EVERY day.

Even the labels in the pantry are all facing forward........I'm just saying!

I do like living here, however, every once in a while I do hear Anthony and Julio get into a cat fight, usually before they start to watch American Idol in the living room. It’s never cute, so I close my bedroom door and shut them out. Fifteen minutes into the show, they act as if nothing ever happened between them, and I hear, “Oh my God, that’s so FIERCE!!!” coming from the living room...over and over.  Whatever, it comes with the territory of living with gay men, apparently.

So, the other day, Anthony asked me to do him a favor. He has just accepted a new job and they were sending him an overnight letter, and could I forward it to him in Florida where he was on vacation.

“Sure,” I said. “I will just take it into work with me, slap on a label and give it to the UPS driver when he comes. He’s scheduled to come every day. It’s not a problem, just text me your address in Florida.”

Easy, right? Wrong.

Not only did he ask our neighbor (who is retired) across the street to come retrieve the Letter Express from our stoop (so it wouldn’t get stolen), but the moment after the neighbor rang my doorbell and handed me the package, my roommate was calling me to make sure that the neighbor came by to drop it off. 

For the record, I have had SEVERAL packages, boxes left at our front door without incident. Obviously, he doesn’t trust anyone, but, I’m thinking, at least he’s thorough!

The next day, I bring in his package to work, print out a label, and leave it for the UPS driver. It goes out, and I text my roommate the tracking number. There, done!

The following day…..I get this:

ANTHONY: Received well. Thanks for opening it.

CARRIE: Huh? I didn’t open it. Just slapped a label on it and sent it out…

ANTHONY: Someone opened it. Maybe Julio, or someone at your job.

CARRIE: No. It was sealed when I sent it.

CARRIE:  Again, I ask you to watch how you word your texts to me. I did you a favor. There’s no need to be bitchy with me.

ANTHONY: No one is mad. It’s ok. I was just saying that’s how it came. Maybe UPS did it.

I don’t bother to reply…I was a bit miffed with his attitude.

ANTHONY: I appreciate all your help. I’m sorry if the text came off that way. Don’t think I’m bitchy. Now, I notice the tape was never removed anyway.

Am I asking too much?  What happened to, "Hey, Carrie!  Thank you, I got the package today.  By chance to you open it?"  And now he's telling me that the letter wasn't opened after all. Whoever sent it, wanted to ensure that the seal was strong enough for the large amount of contents they put in it, so they reinforced it with packing tape.

Trust me, that will be the last favor I do for him!  My own girlfriends don't even bitch and whine like this!

Here's to my girlfriends for not being bitchy and whiney!!!!!