Don't Show Up To a Gun Fight with a Stapler

CHRIS:  How did your date go?

ME:  Well, as predicted...he was super great guy, but no spark.  Even after having 2.5 glasses of wine, I still didn't feel like I wanted to kiss him.  And now, he's totally enamored with me!

CHRIS:  Wow, that's too bad.  Not even a pity kiss...poor guy.

ME:  He showed up in a short-sleeve plaid shirt.  He looked like something out of a JC Penny catalog.  :(

CHRIS:  The poor sap, didn't have a chance... He showed up to a gun fight with a stapler.

ME:  I think he's already planning our future together...and I'm so not feeling it.  I HATE DATING!

Indeed, Mr. Vermont was great.  He was good looking (for his age), established, and knew how to court a girl!  You could tell he was new to the dating scene, because he didn't hold back about how he felt about me.

MR. VT:  How did I get so lucky? You are the complete package...everything I desire...and more.  :)

ME:  Awwwww...thank you!  I always thought guys who didn't get me were big, stupid faces - BIG!  But, thank you for noticing...!  You are a great guy, I'm surprised someone hasn't scooped you up yet.

MR. VT:  Some have tried, but honestly, I have been looking for you...

ME:  *falls out of chair*

MR. VT:  Wish I was there to scoop you up...

He just did everything right from the start and really knew how to make me smile.  It was the simple things like sending me a text in the middle of the day just to let me know he was thinking about me.  Nothing over the top. He was just thoughtful and sweet. He even took down his profile from Match from Hell before we met and told me that he just wanted to focus on me - and then he gave me his home phone number!  Who does that?!  But, it was so nice!  Refreshing to be pursued by someone who knew what he wanted from the start.

We were corresponding on Match from Hell while I was still on my Florida 10-day trip with Beth (which, by the way, was SO much better than going to DC for three days!).  Mr. Vermont and I both agreed that we wanted to meet as soon as I got back.  However, it was decided that he was going to have to wait, because even though I was flying in late on a Friday night, Saturday I was busy with my girlfriends, and Sunday he had plans with his kids for Father's Day, so meeting during the weekend was out.  I left it up to him to pick a day during the week and, without hesitating, he said, "How about Monday night?!"

ME:  Do you want me to meet you half way? It is a 1.5 hour ride...

MR. VT:  I'll go the whole way.  You know the area over there.  Pick a nice place for dinner, and I'll meet you there.

What?  He was going to drive to me?  For once, I didn't have to go out of my way to meet someone? For once?!

*adds 5 points to score card*

I was looking forward to meeting him, although I knew I wasn't feeling the same excitement as I did when I first met DC Dude.  But, I was tired of the bad boys and just really wanted to give a good guy a chance.

Saturday comes and a few of the girls from the Hen House rally to meet up for drinks and appetizers. I was feeling extra Kitty-Kitty, Meow-Meow!  I just had my hair done, and just came back from Florida, and for once, I had a little color on my skin. (That SPF70 really does work!) High heels and my Victoria Secrets halter top added the finishing touches, but my top was squeezing the girls a bit (I blamed the clothes dryer), so decided to tie my cashmere cardigan around my neck, remembering that I only wanted good attention and not the bad attention. As usual, I was going for the classy, but sexy look.  

We get to the first bar, it's just four of us girls.  I knew it was going to be a great night, because Julie had me laughing even before I ordered my first drink.  We sat down and at a table and DC Dude's name came up.  I was well into my first drink.

"Why do boys send penis pictures, when they know we will be sharing the photo with everyone?  Check this out."  DC Dude and I were over, and had no allegiance to him anymore, so I brought up the one x-rated photo I had in my phone and showed it to the girls.

Julie asked, "WHO is that?!"

"It's DC Dude."

"Oh, my God!  It's like the Washington Monument!"

*Insert hysterical laughter here*

Then one of the other girls announces that she actually had a folder on her phone for all of the penis pictures she used to get.

*Insert more hysterical laughter here*

We have another round of drinks and ordered appetizers before we headed over to my brother's bar.

It was a good crowd at The Shaskeen and we got prime real estate, front and center of the bar.  Even though the bar was busy and Nathan was busy serving up drinks, as soon as he spotted me, he threw down his towel and walked around the end of the bar, through the the crowd, came over me and gave me a big hug.

Code!

Nathan served us our drinks and we carried on with our fun.

I had been texting Mr. Vermont all night long, until I spotted two very tall guys walk into the bar. One of them was Rachel's 27-year old cousin from Boston, and the other one was his friend. The first thing out of the cousin's mouth was, "I'm so drunk!"

Really?  The bad-girl side of me came out...hmmm....

*twisting tip of my sinister mustache*

Even with my high-heels on, they were still taller than me. (Oh, my!)  Both of them had just come back from dancing and drinking at a club.  I could tell they were both really wound up!

Look, this was a no-brainer.  Boston Boy kept talking and flirting with me.  I felt so much "zing" with him, that I tossed my phone into my purse - and from there on out, it was all about Boston Boy!

For the record, I normally ignore stupid-face drunk boys, but Boston Boy was making the moves on me, big time, and was full of the devil. He just wouldn't let me be...and who could blame him?

And, because we were standing at the bar, Nathan got to witness Boston Boy invade my personal space over and over.  (Poor guy.)  I'll admit that the boy had game...you know how it is, when a guy knows just how to put his hand on your hip, and knows how to lean in - just enough - to say something in your ear, but then his lips end up oh-so close to yours?

*fanning myself*

Well, it was like that!  Boston Boy was doing a good job at pushing my buttons and, apparently, pushing the envelope with Nathan, because, all of a sudden, I heard Nathan roaring behind me, "Hey Carrie! Do I have to remind your friend whose house he's in?!"

Oops!  I turned back to my drunk Boston Boy, "That guy behind the bar...well, he owns this place...

"I don't care..." as he stared at my mouth leaning in to kiss me.

"Well, he's also my brother! So, behave!"

"I don't care who he is. Can I kiss you?  I want to kiss you..."

I smiled and pushed him away from me, "Not if you value your life!"

I sat down on the bar stool hoping that crossing my legs in front of him might put some much needed space between us.  (At least until we left my brother's bar!)

Our two girlfriends left, so it was just me, Rachel, her cousin and Boston Boy.  At closing time, we all walked out of the bar together.  The guys were talking about going to get something to eat because they were starving.  All I could think about was getting out of Nathan's red zone, which I estimated was about twenty feet or so from the entrance of The Shaskeen. As soon as I thought we were at a safe distance, I stopped Boston Boy, and gave him a long, passionate kiss.  Enough was enough - the electricity between us was too hard to ignore anymore!  He wasn't one of Nathan's friends, so he was fair game!  It was on!  And you know what?  That drunken train-wreck was a damn good kisser!

*GONG!*

Everyone piled into Red Rocket and we drove off to the Airport Diner to get something to eat. Those boys needed to sober up!

Sitting in a booth at the dinner,  I happily snuggled up next to Boston Boy who had his great man-hands in mine. (You know I'm real particular about a man's hands!) But, poor Rachel sat there teasing me as she pouted about the fact that the only boy that was left to flirt with was her very good-looking cousin sitting next to her.  It didn't help that Boston Boy kept kissing me in front of them...but again, I could care less at that point!  He was a damn good kisser!  Kiss on, Boston Boy! Kiss on!

Breakfast with the Boston Boy and Rachel's cousin was pure entertainment.  They both had us rolling with laughter.  Even our waitress kept doubling over, bursting with laughter every time she came over to our table.

On the ride home, Rachel offered for all of us to crash at her place.  Her cousin got the couch and Boston Boy and I got her son's twin bed.  While Rachel was trying to be hospitable, she realized that her kid's bed was going to be used for something other than sleeping. I didn't care. I had a hot guy and I had condoms in my purse! (And to think I have friends who laugh at me because I carry condoms with me all the time...Ha!)

It took me about 5 seconds to make the decision to spend the night. I decided even good girls need to be bad every once in a while!  And who was I to say no to his 6'3" hard-body and thick Boston accent?????

 And a tattoo!  I love surprises!

And, in the middle of the night, I remember asking myself, "Why am I not doing this more often?!!!!!"  It was a good question I really needed to ponder at a later time.  And, despite the small twin bed, Boston Boy and I made it work...and then we made it work again in the morning.

*Cheshire cat grin*

ME:  OMG...what a great night! He was great!  He knew how to push my buttons.  Crazy fucker...and of course, I didn't do any "Princess" maintenance in weeks!  Months!

RACHEL:  OMG!  My kid's bed!  Gross!

ME:  Well, at least I made sure to throw away the used condoms!  And wrapper... Can you imagine if your kid found it?  "Mommy..what's this?"  LMAO!  I'm sorry, but that's funny!

RACHEL:  I'm grossed out!  I'm washing the sheets now - do I have to worry about any stuffed animals?

ME:  No, the stuffed animals were left alone!  LOL!  What a great way to start my summer.  It was his damn Boston accent that did me in! I'm such a sucker for it. I felt like I was in a Ben Affleck and Matt Damon movie!

Two days later, I met 47-year old Mr. Vermont for dinner.  I knew in the back of my head that going from a hot 27-year old to a 47-year old was a long shot, but I was determined to give nice-guy Mr. Vermont a chance.

Monday night, we met at 6:30pm at Fire Fly, but when I first saw him, I felt no zing.  It was flat.  He showed up wearing khaki's and a short-sleeved plaid summer shirt.  Was it wishful thinking to hope that, maybe, Mr. VT might have a little swagger?  Maybe I would feel different after a glass of wine...

Dinner was great, the conversation flowed and even though "the girls" were showing, I never caught him looking at them the whole night. Not once.

We drank a whole bottle of Merlot, which usually turns me into the "Kissing Bandit," but I still didn't feel anything.  Not one single urge to kiss him. Nadda. So, all he got at the end of the night was a hug.

After my date, I went to The Shaskeen.  I really needed to pee before I drove home, so I stopped in, hoping that I could seek some council with Nathan, but he wasn't there.  Instead, I spotted Megs, one the of the bartenders, sitting outside on the patio with her friends.

"How did your date go with Mr. Vermont?"

"It was great.  He's great.  But I think my little romp with Boston Boy on Saturday night killed any chance Mr. Vermont might have had.  Megs, Mr. Vermont looked like he just walked out of a JC Penny catalog!  Short-sleeved plaid shirt and khaki's!  Look at me!" I said, pointing to myself while I stood there in my sexy black high-heels and pencil skirt. "Why can't I find someone between crazy, train-wreck Boston Boy and super-nice, plaid shirt Mr. Vermont guy?!!!  Why?!"

*big lip*

The following day, I text Julie:

ME:  I think I'm broken.  Mr. VT is such a nice, normal guy and I feel nothing for him.  But, give me crazy, train-wreck dude from Boston, and I'm totally hot for him!  WTF?!

JULIE:  Vermont is just that - normal, nice, regular, comfortable.  You thrive in huge lights and wild times that are spontaneous - wine 'em, dine 'em....69 'em.

ME:  You got that right!  LMAO...

I definitely need to reconsider my summer dating game plan...