My New Year's Eve Revelation

I often say that God is in the driver's seat and I'm just sitting in the passenger side here for the ride.  After these past few weeks, winding down 2009, maybe I should listen to myself more often.

When I think I've got it figured out, I don't.  

When I think I'm in control, I'm not.  

When I think I know what's going to happen, it doesn't.

New Year's Eve for me was a eye-opening experience, and everything that led up to it was certainly not what I had expected.  I knew it was going to be a doozie.  There had been a lot of chatter and excitement brewing among those people who knew it was going to be a full-moon eclipse and in my sign of Cancer, no less. 

My favorite horoscope website www.astrolgoyzone.com had this to say in December:   

"At the full moon lunar eclipse of December 31, something will end forever, but a new chapter will be forming shortly thereafter.

This is a powerful month, dear Cancer. The eclipses, which arrive as two events, as a full and new moon, are now arriving in your sign of Cancer and opposite sign of Capricorn, and will emphasize your needs as well as your view of one close committed relationship. The eclipses will evolve you to a new phase, and help you correct imbalances that may have caused you frustration."

www.chronogram.com/issue/2010/1/Horoscopes

"As a person, especially one as sensitive as you are, you do take (things) personally. You not only wonder why people are not more receptive of your generosity; you also devote yourself to life, then make value judgments about yourself based on their lack of response. Here’s where, what I will call the fictional piece enters the equation. You make up a story about your personal worth, based on what you think that others think. This is, in turn, colored by your perceptions. Consider this equation, as you continue your long-overdue overhaul of your outdated ideas about relationships."

Ouch.

Here I was, sure that something in my life that was going to go bye-bye,like my job, my car, or DC dude. I was waiting for something to drop from my life.  Instead, this full-moon eclipse was about me.

Me!

My phone rang as I was getting ready to drive upstate NY for the long holiday weekend.  On the phone was my dear friend from Los Angeles, Pamela. It had been a while since we talked. She was calling me in the middle of the day to talk about the email I just sent her about how DC Dude just wasn't that into me.  I had been certain of this, because he dropped off the radar after losing his job.

Pam and I spoke for an hour; she was concerned I was losing sight of my authentic self from all the let-downs I recently had.  She noticed that I had become this person who takes it all personally.  I had developed a quick knee-jerk reaction - quick to shut down, and shut people out.  I wasn't giving anyone a true chance anymore.  She recognized this, because she had been guilty of the same thing, too.  And, maybe, she had been the bad influence on me?  

Had she?  

Yes, at the first sign of trouble I am out the door, without a second glance backwards.  I have become really good at it. But it wasn't always like this - this was an acquired skill.

A few hours later, I receive an email from my long-time friend,  Kris, who lives in Wisconsin, married, home-school's her two daughters, owns a scrap-booking business, a church-goer, and a fabulous person, all around, in my book.

"Losing a job is one of the major stresses a person can go through – he will not be acting his normal self while going through this.  I have seen this a lot just here in my circle of friends in Wisconsin – husbands who have lost jobs.  It is scary for them!  Even as a friend (romantics aside) now is the time to come along side someone who is hurting and make a difference in their life.  You have an opportunity to show him what God’s love is, caring for someone who is going through a stressful time in their life.  I’m not saying you have to take him in, provide meals for him, etc. – but just be understanding and compassionate towards him.  That is God’s love…not thinking on how you were treated or how you were hurt…but loving others despite that.

Then I hear from my Nashville friend, Kelly.  She definitely had something to say about it, too:

"Shit happens. Life gets in the way sometimes.  It's not intentional.  But you just don't seem to be willing to bend in that area at all."

So, with all that in mind, as I sit here in upstate New York, next to the wood-burning stove, listening to the winds howl and whip the snow around outside, I'm deep in thought.  

My girlfriends are right.

Wow. I feel lighter already and have a sense of clarity.  I feel better now going into 2010.  Not sure what my resolutions will be, but I definitely feel like I had a "revelation!"

I'm thankful for friends that are willing to go outside the box, disagree with me, and give me a bitch slap whenever I need one.... 

.....reminds me of when Cher slapped Nicolas Cage in, "Moonstruck."

"SNAP OUT OF IT!"
 

*WA-PAH!*